Broken Bliss
by DJ Moves
Summary: After Kaiba looses the only important thing in his life, Mokuba, he begins to slowly open up and let other people in his life. That only leaves him open for more pain. Yaoi. One-sided Kaiba-Yugi. Jou-Kaiba, Kaiba-Jou, Otogi-Jou, Otogi&Jou-Kaiba
1. 01

Title: Broken Bliss  
  
Author: DJ  
  
Rating: R  
  
Disclaimer: I don't have the rights to this. Just my pretty, pretty character's I'd like to write about but they'd be Mary-Sues (well, the male variety since I'm sexist ^_~ though none of my characters are perfect...far from it...) and the fact people don't care about original fiction. But Attila says hi.  
  
Summery: After Kaiba looses the only important thing in his life, Mokuba, he begins to slowly open up and let other people in his life. That only leaves him open for more pain. Yaoi.  
  
Notes: This isn't quite how I wanted to do it. But in a way, it works. Since I give no definite time frame in this, this spans over a few months, I suppose. It takes awhile to "get over" a death, but you still have to move on one step at a time. And Kaiba is...the kind of person, in my opinion, who would try to divulge in other activities and situations to forget about Mokuba. To break it down, Kaiba isn't much of a jerk for the most part. That might change as he goes through things.  
  
Kaibajouryuuki is Japanese for hippopotamus. ^_^  
  
I was at Jounochi's house, mocking him, when my cell rang. I don't even remember why I was there. Oh, "study group." I turned from him and took the call. "Hello?" I listened for a few seconds before dropping the telephone and dropping to my knees. "Oh my god..."  
  
He looks up from his sandwich and asks, confused, "Kaiba? What the hell's the matter? Your business going bankrupt?" I ignore him and begin biting at my nails, a habit I dropped a long time ago. I can't think, I can't move, I can barley breathe. "Kaiba!" Jounochi says annoyed. "What the hell--?" He stops when he's stooping next to me and finally sees my face. "Are you crying? Kaiba, what happened?"  
  
I clench my fists, not really hearing him. The next thing either of us knows, he's holding me while I cry into his chest. He's soothing me and doing a pretty good job but I keep crying, everything's lost to me now.  
  
Mokuba is dead.  
  
I whisper this to him in a period of no sobs and his grasp tightens. "Oh god...Kaiba...I..."  
  
I stop crying then. I don't know why. But I sit, leaned against him in a hug, listening to his heart beat. To think, one minute we're insulting each other as he tries to get me out of his house, the next, the godamn mutt is holding me as I cry. Me, Seto Kaiba. Cry.  
  
Mokuba.  
  
Is.  
  
Dead.  
  
. . .  
  
Mokuba, my entire life. Nothing means more to me than him. He's my younger brother, my best friend, my relief and my strength, my reason for living. And he's gone. Forever.  
  
I have no idea I'm saying this out load until Jounochi whispers, "It'll be okay, Kaiba."  
  
I want to hit him, but I also know he's slightly right. It would be okay. Yeah. No. Never. Never alright. I start a fresh set of tears into his already soaked shirt. "What happened?" he whispers. "You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to."  
  
"He was hit," I whisper. My voice is so full of emotion I bet Jounochi is shocked. I never am anything but cold to him and his friends. "By a drunk driver. A drunk driver. In the middle of the day! It's a Sunday!" I sit up, turning hysterical. "It's a godamn Sunday!" I suddenly start laughing and it sounds sick even to me. "He was just riding bikes with a friend. That's all. I said he could. I killed him. I killed Mokuba."  
  
"No. No, you didn't. Don't even say that, Kaiba. It's not your fault."  
  
"What do you know, you mangy mutt?" I growl, but fall back against him. "Why?" I whispered.  
  
Jounochi petted my head irritatingly. "Things like this happen, Kaiba. I don't know why."  
  
Yugi and friends chose this moment to come in. There's a mix of:  
  
"Hey--huh?"  
  
"Jounochi?"  
  
"What the hell is Kaiba doing here?"  
  
"Kaiba-kun, are you alright?"  
  
"What's wrong, Kaiba?"  
  
I look up at them with red, puffy eyes. I probably look like shit and less than the dignified CEO they're used to. There's Anzu, Yami, Honda, Ryou, and Yugi. "Mokuba died," I said in an odd, too-high voice. I giggle uncontrollably. "I's jus `ere makin fun a Mutt and then tha cell rings and is Mokuba's nanny and poof! he's gone. All gone, just a splat! on the road."  
  
They stare at me like I'm demented, except Jounochi. I know they can't believe me. It's hard to believe a giggling 17-year-old about the death of his brother. Honda even says, "What the hell are you talking about?"  
  
"Turn on the TV," Jounochi whispered.  
  
Ryou goes over to the small dented TV and turns it on. He stares at it, shocked. He flips through the channels, confused. Every station already has the news. "...multi-billionaire Chief Executive Official [CEO, I believe] of Kaiba Corp., Seto Kaiba's younger brother was hit by a car less than an hour earlier. He died on impact; his friend, who he was with, ran to the nearest house to call 911--"  
  
"Turn it off!" I screamed, covering my ears. "TURN IT OFF!" I began sobbing again, clutching at my hair, trying to tear it out. "No...no...nononononononono!" I screamed. Jounochi wrapped his arms around me, soothing me. I began crying softly into his shoulder.  
  
Ryou turned the TV off. "Kaiba-kun...I'm sorry..."  
  
Yugi timidly sat next to us and began rubbing my shoulder. "I'm so sorry, Kaiba." His voice was definitely tear-filled. I was surprised. I turned to look at him. He brushed some tears off his cheeks and gave me a weak smile. "Kaiba, I wish I knew what to say."  
  
"Don't, then. Don't talk. No one talk." I fell against the couch and drew my legs up, wrapping my arms around them. We sat silent for awhile. I finally whispered, "I'm going to go." I pulled the cell phone out and dialed it. "Yeah...yeah...I know...pick me up. Where you dropped me off." I hung up and stood up unsteadily, pocketing the phone. I pulled on my coat and rubbed at my eyes and stretched a bit. "Thanks," I offered off- handily to Jounochi. He nodded in response.  
  
"Kaiba, I'm going to come with you," Yugi spoke up. "Just...as support and..."  
  
I shrugged lamely. "Whatever you wanna do."  
  
~~~  
  
I stared outside the window. Outside of my gate was swarming with reporters. "Keep driving," I said through clenched teeth.  
  
The driver nodded, but asked, "Where to, Kaiba-san?"  
  
"Kame Game Shop," I muttered and Yugi nodded. I took his hand in mine and held it. I folded my fingers with his, needing comfort. He was more than surprised, but held my hand tightly back. "You liked him, didn't you?" I whispered out of no where.  
  
"He was a really nice kid." He chewed on his lip. "Yeah, he meant a lot to me," he whispered.  
  
I wrapped my arm around his shoulders and held him close. "Thank you." I turned to him and played with his bangs gently, smiling. Yugi was definitely better than his Yami. He smiled back at me, unsure. I took his face in my hands and gently stroked at his cheek. "You kind of remind me of him," I whispered. "Just sometimes."  
  
Yugi placed his hand on my chest as I pulled him closer. "Are you okay? I bet you're really hurt."  
  
"I am. So hurt I can't take it anymore, Yugi. I could only stay strong for Mokuba...I'm falling apart." I turned from him, dropping my hands. I clenched my fists. "You're my rival and I'm...I'm...I'm comparing you to Mokuba!"  
  
"Yami is your rival," he whispered, placing a hand on my arm. "I'm the closest thing you have to a friend right now, Kaiba. Please. If you're going to get mad, at least get your facts right." I turned to him and he smiled lightly. "I shouldn't be joking, I'm sor-"  
  
"No," I whisper. I turned to him and hugged him close. "Thank you." I close my eyes and ran my hands through his hair gently. "You're so nice. So...so...you're so much like him. Always optimistic. You remind me so much of him," I sobbed out. "Please...please...god...I can't..."  
  
The limo pulled to a stop in front of Yugi's grandpa's card shop. "Kaiba- san, we're here."  
  
I pulled from Yugi and took his hand again. I got out of the back and pulled him with me. Yami greeted me, his arms crossed. "And just what's going on?"  
  
Yugi peered up at Yami innocently and Yami's face softens. Like Mokuba and me. "Kaiba's going to stay here for a little while."  
  
"And exactly where is he sleeping?"  
  
"In your bed," Yugi muttered, pulling me past him. I was a little shocked and I guess I never made the connection that Yugi's apartment was upstairs. As he pulled me up there, Yami followed close behind him.  
  
"Exactly what do you mean, 'in my bed'?" He moved his narrowed body in front of us and blocked the hallway.  
  
"I sleep on the couch, do expect me to sleep with me on that thing? Your bed is huge."  
  
I motioned between them, confused. "Why don't you two sleep together?"  
  
Yami narrowed his eyes at Yugi. "Things didn't work out," he muttered. He threw his hands up. "Fine! Sleep with me!" He turned and started down the hall. He whirled around, addressing us, who were still standing there, shocked. "I didn't mean it like that!"  
  
Yugi led me to the room. It was very small. Like the entire apartment. "Why does Yami get the bed?" I whispered.  
  
"Things didn't work out," he muttered darkly. I raised my eyebrow, but let it go.  
  
~~~ 


	2. 02

"Are you going to just lie there all day?" Yami asked me, irritated.  
  
I picked up his pillow and hugged it close to me. "I need to just relax," I whispered.  
  
"Relax? The great Seto Kaiba is TAKING A DAY OFF? My god, it's like his brother died! Wait, he DID! So unlike a normal person, he's pouting in bed instead of arranging the godamn funeral!"  
  
"SHUT UP!" I screamed. "WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!" I jumped out of the bed. "What would you know? It's not like the pharaoh of Egypt would know how to care about someone! Here you are, taking over someone's room because something 'didn't work out.'"  
  
"You have no idea what you're talking about," Yami warned.  
  
"Don't I? Do you CARE about Yugi?"  
  
"Of course I do!"  
  
"As much as I loved Mokuba?"  
  
"Yes!"  
  
"I doubt it. Loving someone like that takes complete selflessness. It doesn't MATTER how you feel as long as they're safe and HAPPY! Well now, he's DEAD. My life is dead! There's no fucking reason to live now, Yami. He's gone. All fucking gone and you expect what from me? To be the damn prick I was forced to desensitize myself to be a 16-year-old CEO?! It's a ruthless world, Yami. I was SIXTEEN! Don't you tell me that I'm not normal. How would you like to pick out the damn casket and flowers and gravestone for your only living relative and friend in the whole world now that he's gone?! Don't tell me what to do, Yami."  
  
Yami backed away from me. "I'm so sorry, Kaiba, I--"  
  
Yugi peeked in. "Is everything okay?" he whispered.  
  
I fell to my knees and buried my face in my hands, sobbing.  
  
Yugi looked from Yami to me several times. "Yami, what did you do?"  
  
"*Nothing,*" he said witheringly. "Not my fault he's so damn sensitive."  
  
"Of course he is, Yami! His brother just died."  
  
"It's been a day," he said lamely, kicking at the carpet. "Get over it all ready."  
  
Yugi gapped at him. "I never knew you were so cruel, Yami."  
  
I looked up at them. Yami stared at Yugi like he was about to Mind Crush him. Yugi's normally wide, innocent eyes were clouded over. Yami shook his head and pushed past him. Yugi sighed and came over to comfort me. "I'm sorry, Kaiba. He's been different since...since..."  
  
"Since what?" I whispered, curiously. I needed distraction.  
  
Yugi stopped looking at me. "Since some things happened. It's not a big deal."  
  
I didn't believe him. Yami and Yugi used to be (annoyingly and literally) inseparable. Speaking of which... "How did you two separate anyway?"  
  
"A riff in between the Millennium Items. Something split us and gave him a semi-body. He's kinda a ghost/spirit still."  
  
"He's not very nice anymore. He was nice even to me before. Now he's being so rude to you--"  
  
"Please stop, Kaiba-kun," he whispered.  
  
"Please tell me what happened."  
  
"No."  
  
I gently began stroking his cheek. "Why not?"  
  
"It's none of your business!" He stood up, knocking my hand away. "Who do you think you are? Prying into my business. That's what it is: My Business."  
  
I looked down. "I didn't mean to make you angry. I think I should leave, Yugi-kun."  
  
"No, please don't, Kaiba-chan," he whispered.  
  
"'Chan?'" I whispered. I stood up on one knee, even to his height, studying him. "Why did you call me that?"  
  
"Because you're my friend. Even if the feeling isn't mutual, I--"  
  
I cut him off by hugging him close. "It is," I whispered into his hair. I leaned back a bit and cupped his face into my hands and gently pressed my lips against his. They seemed to fit perfect with each other. I expected Yugi to knock me away so I was surprised when Yugi wrapped his arms around my neck, pulling me closer. I suddenly broke from him, turning away. "I shouldn't... We need to stop."  
  
Yugi blinked at me, his eyes full of hurt.  
  
"Yugi...look...I'm sorry. Don't get offended, please. I just... Now's not a good time."  
  
"When is?" he whispered.  
  
Sometimes I forget he's my age. It's easy to think of him as old as Mokuba is. Was. Whatever. He's not just a little kid, no matter how innocent he looks. "Look, Yugi, I'm..." My voice soften, "I have a headache. Can we...after the funeral...we'll talk then...okay?"  
  
Yugi blinked, and nodded. "Do you have to... Do you want me to..." He sighed. "Do you need any help with the funeral arrangements?"  
  
I chewed on my lower lip. "Yes, thank you." I took Yugi into my arms again and held him close. "Arigoto, thank you. You've been more than nice, Yugi-ch-chan." I stumbled on the syllable. It felt weird saying. "Chan..." I murmured. "Yes. Yes, thank you."  
  
~~~  
  
We kept the funeral small. I didn't need more reporters than who were already following me. We kept it simple and had him cremated. It was very matter-of-fact, though I wasn't cold. When people offered their condolence, I took it and thanked it, even Jounochi's.  
  
When I was handed the urn, I nearly dropped it, so Yugi took it. I was a bit surprised and hurried from the room. Later, he found me, huddled up on his--excuse me, *Yami's*--bed, rocking back and forth, murmuring to myself. He climbed up on the bed and leaned his head against my arm. His hand went over mine gently, softly stroking it. "It's okay, Kaiba-chan," he murmured.  
  
"Yugi?" I whispered, turning my hand over, taking his in mine.  
  
"Hai?"  
  
"Th-thank you." I pulled him gently into a kiss. He didn't protest as my other hand slowly trailed down his back. I wrapped my arm around the small of his back, pulling him closer.  
  
He suddenly pulled away and bolted from the room. I stared at where he had been only second earlier and sighed. Was I really that appalling? I thought. I must have been. Maybe he was only trying to be nice, I thought. I couldn't believe it. How stupid I had been.  
  
~~~ 


	3. 03

I glanced up from the kitchen table as Yugi came in, pulling a heavy book bag behind him. I went back to my work, tapping a pencil absent-mindedly on a pile of paper.  
  
Thud, thud, thud...  
  
"Kaiba-chan?" he whispered.  
  
"Nani?" I murmured.  
  
"What are you doing?"  
  
"I'm working on some paperwork. I'm going to retire early. Very early," I murmured.  
  
"Retire? But Kaiba, you--"  
  
"I can afford it, don't worry about that. Financially...emotionally...I need to. I tried to go back to work yesterday. Not *to* work, but to get my orders together. Being in the world again was...upsetting. And when I was actually there, I realized how much I was losing." I said all this matter-of-factly. "I'll keep a few patens and I'll dig out mine and--" unintentional sob-- "Mokuba's...pensions..." I shook my head, trying to clear it. "I'll be fine," I whispered. "I have enough money set aside... I can even leave, if you want."  
  
"You're not staying here because of money, Kaiba-chan."  
  
"Then why am I?" I quietly muse.  
  
"Because you'll never be the same, Kaiba."  
  
I turned to him suddenly. "What do you mean by that?" I demanded.  
  
"You're broken. And I'm the only one who's bothering to try to pick up the pieces."  
  
"You can't fix me, Yugi," I turned away from him, muttering.  
  
"I never said I was trying. I'm only picking the pieces up," he repeated.  
  
"Why?!" I demanded, standing up. The chair I had been sitting in scraped across the floor then fell over. "Who do you think you are?! You think you can just come here and--"  
  
"And what, Kaiba? *Care*?"  
  
I stepped back, stricken. "You don't care," I said numbly. "You *can't* care!"  
  
"Why not, Kaiba?" Yugi asked, his voice full of concern and sounding on the edge of tears, much like my own.  
  
"Because no one's suppose to care," I whispered. I fell to my knees and began to cry. "No..."  
  
I felt Yugi's arms go around me, holding me close. "Don't kill yourself, Kaiba-chan. Don't kill yourself with your own hate."  
  
"I don't hate anyone!"  
  
"You hate yourself, Kaiba! You blame yourself. It's not your fault. Your brother died. I'm sorry, but there was nothing you could do."  
  
"I could have protected him better!"  
  
"How? How would you have known he was going to die? How would you have known someone was going to drink and drive?!"  
  
"Because that's what people *do*!"  
  
"Then you would have locked Mokuba in a room and never let him out. Would you want that? Really, Kaiba?"  
  
"No..."  
  
"Then there was nothing you could have done. Stop blaming yourself. You're not a god, Kaiba. You're a living, breathing person."  
  
"But it hurts so much..."  
  
"Of course it does. Mokuba's all you've ever had. You locked yourself away from the world because you had Mokuba. Would you have if you hadn't?"  
  
"I would have died a long time ago if I didn't have Mokuba. I would have let him kill me."  
  
"Who?"  
  
"No one," I muttered darkly. "So now what?" I whispered.  
  
"You have to open yourself up. You have to learn to trust people again."  
  
"You? Trust you? What happens when you die, huh?" I asked angrily.  
  
"You open yourself up to other people, Kaiba. You have more than one friend. That's what friendship is."  
  
"I'm suppose to have back-ups, spares? What kind of system is that?"  
  
"It's not a system, Kaiba. It's something else all together."  
  
"Then what then?"  
  
"It's what separates us from God's other creatures. Love, friendship, lust, hate...animals don't know that. It's something that can't be explained in any language, no matter how perfect God created it."  
  
"Perfect?" I asked angrily. "If God's plan is so perfect, why does He hurt me like this? How could he have taken someone like Mokuba?"  
  
"To protect him, Kaiba," he said softly. "God tests us." He trembled gently. "He tests us and then He awards us. We get what we deserve."  
  
"Mokuba didn't deserve this!"  
  
"Define 'this,' Kaiba."  
  
"Dying!"  
  
"I doubt you believe in an afterlife, Kaiba. Neither do I. But Mokuba is somewhere else."  
  
"He's a bunch of ashes in an ugly vase!"  
  
"No he's not, Kaiba. Just like you're not a moving pile of flesh and bone. We have something else in us. Soul, spirit, Inner Light...essence. Our essence can't be burned away or buried under the ground. He is somewhere else, Kaiba," he insisted gently. "God felt he belonged somewhere else."  
  
I stare at him, trembling. "Y-you don't know what you're talking about. Mokuba...Mokuba was-- was taken away from me."  
  
"You know I'm telling the truth, Kaiba. You know it. You just don't want to believe it because then you want to know why God made you live through all of it."  
  
"All of what?" I asked sharply.  
  
"Your pain. Whatever made you be this way. You want to know why God couldn't rescue you."  
  
"He WOULDN'T! He could have!"  
  
"No He couldn't. You wouldn't let Him. You wouldn't let Him. You had to be there for Mokuba."  
  
I burst into tears, sobbing into my hands. "Why are you doing this?" I sobbed.  
  
"Because someone has to. You've become nothing but an animal, Kaiba. You live only by instinct."  
  
"I am NOT an ANIMAL!" I screamed.  
  
"Then what are you, Kaiba? You certainly aren't human."  
  
"I am a genius--!"  
  
"A smart animal is still an animal. Or else, what would you call a dolphin?"  
  
"Shut up!"  
  
"Being human means opening yourself up for pain."  
  
"Why?! Why would anyone do that?"  
  
"Because that's the only way we find happiness. If you just lock yourself up until happiness comes, it won't be able to get in. And you won't recognize it."  
  
"So what am I suppose to do?"  
  
"Let go of the past," Yugi said softly. "The past can't be changed, Kaiba."  
  
"But the past is who I am. How can I just forget it?"  
  
"No. You are what you are right now. The past may have molded you, but you're the one who decides it in the end."  
  
~~~  
  
I sat up with a start. I had fallen asleep at the table, over my paperwork. "Hrmph...?"  
  
"Kaiba?" Jounochi asked softly, waving his hand over my eyes.  
  
"What?" I said a bit too sharply.  
  
He stepped back like I had burned him. "Um, hey, is Yugi here?"  
  
"I dunno," I mumbled, looking for my pen.  
  
"Not going to school today?" he asked for the sake of conversation.  
  
"Don't plan on it," I said, bending over and looking on the ground.  
  
"What are you looking for?"  
  
"My pen," I sighed. "I can't find it."  
  
Jounochi bent over, then straighten himself. He held his hand out. "Here, your pen." He smiled gently, but not mockingly.  
  
"Th-tha...thank you," I said awkwardly.  
  
He shrugged. "No prob." He pulled up a chair. "What's all this?"  
  
"Mokuba's...estate, so to speak. I had a lot of it in his name, in case...I died..." I tried to keep my voice even.  
  
"Are you the benefactor?"  
  
"Kind of. Since he was underage, he had to have an adult, which was me. So it's just a bunch of paperwork. I'll loose a bit with taxes, but it's no real lose."  
  
"Not like..." he trailed off. "I'm really sorry, Kaiba."  
  
I shrugged. "I don't want your pity."  
  
"It's not pity, Kaiba." He slipped his hand in mine and gave it a squeeze. I whirled around, staring at him. "Mokuba meant something to me, too. It was kind of like having my sister around, you know? Someone who looks up to you?"  
  
I nodded dumbly. Since when was the mutt...?  
  
He folded me into a hug. I stiffened, startled. "I know you don't like me, Kaiba. And most times, I don't like you. But I just... If we could...start over or something."  
  
I knocked him away from me, standing up. I regarded him with little interest, pulling on my mask of indifference and coldness. It hurt this time, pulling it on... "Just because he's dead does not mean things change."  
  
"You know that's not true, Kaiba."  
  
"Even if it was, why would I ever want to be 'friends,'" I said the word with a mix of disgust and un-understanding of the word, "with some loser like you?"  
  
I excepted--no, wanted--him to respond with a jib. I needed...some routine in my life again. But all he did was shake his head like he pitied me. Sighing, he stood up and stared me in the eyes. "You know what Kaiba?"  
  
"What?" I asked bitterly.  
  
"You think you're something that you're not."  
  
"Oh yeah? And what's that?"  
  
"A god." Then he leaned in really close and whispered, "And you have some of us believing your illusion." He stepped back, arms crossed.  
  
"What the hell do you mean--?"  
  
He knocked past me in the direction of the living room, leaving me pondering what the hell he had meant.  
  
~~~ 


	4. 04

I flipped apathetically through the TV. "God, what a waste of wires..." I muttered.  
  
Yami came in and slide onto the couch next to me. "Cutting class?" he asked amused.  
  
"Yeah, what's it to you?"  
  
"Why don't you just drop out?"  
  
"I think I will."  
  
"I didn't mean..."  
  
"Look, why do I even bother going? I'm selling my company, I'm leaving school. I just...I don't want to do any of that anymore."  
  
"You want to drop off the face of the earth."  
  
"And why not?"  
  
"Just commit suicide," he muttered.  
  
"You'd like that, huh?"  
  
"I want to duel you. Right now."  
  
"Go to hell."  
  
"I'm serious, Kaiba."  
  
"I don't want to," I muttered.  
  
"Finally ready to admit I'm better?"  
  
"Yup."  
  
"Kaiba!"  
  
"Yami!" I mocked. "Look, all that stuff? School, Kaiba Corp., dueling? It takes some degree to passion. I really have no passion right now."  
  
"So does life."  
  
"Or else what? I'm just an animal? I'm a wanna be god?"  
  
"You said it, not me."  
  
"No! Yugi and Jounochi did!"  
  
"Since when do their opinions matter?"  
  
"Jounochi's gay, isn't he?"  
  
"Where'd that come from?"  
  
"Is he?"  
  
Yami sighed. "I really think you need to ask someone else that. It's not my place."  
  
"Then tell me why you and Yugi 'didn't work out' and what that even means."  
  
"I can't room with him."  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"Because..." he sighed, running his hand through his bangs. "You know Kaiba? You're the closest I've ever had to a friend. You're like...something else completely. Something different from...everyone."  
  
"And where'd that come from?" I reiterated.  
  
"Me and Yugi 'didn't work out' because he loves Jounochi," he said softly.  
  
"And?"  
  
"And Jounochi doesn't know. But...either way, that doesn't matter."  
  
"Then what?" I asked, my voice beginning to get an edge to it.  
  
"He got mad at me. Because he thinks...Jounochi and I...are more than just...we're not even friends, you know."  
  
"Wait. Jealousy?"  
  
"It started out as jealousy. I 'took' Anzu from him and now I'm 'taking' Jounochi from him or something. Yugi and I's relationship is less than...ideal as of right now."  
  
"And Jounochi?"  
  
"Dating Otogi," he muttered.  
  
"Wait, what?"  
  
"Jounochi is...bisexual, I believe the term is."  
  
"Does Yugi know?"  
  
"Jounochi thinks Yugi would flip out because he 'chases both skirts' as he so etiquettly phrased it. But it's not my place to tell him Yugi's bisexual, also."  
  
"And Otogi?"  
  
"Otogi is...gay..." he said the word unsurely. "But not in love with Jounochi. He's using him for...sex..."  
  
"What?! Why the hell would that mutt let him do that?"  
  
"He doesn't know," Yami said softly.  
  
"Good lord... I thought he was at least a little bit smarter than that."  
  
"Why should you care, Kaiba? It's you he's in love with."  
  
"What?!"  
  
"I know. I wouldn't understand why, either."  
  
"How do you know?"  
  
"Bakura told me. He...used the Millennium Eye."  
  
"And he just told you?"  
  
"Marik got him drunk," he explained. "Then we took turns interrogating him."  
  
"Very...interesting...I...are you and Bakura...?"  
  
Yami blushed, but tried to hide it. "N-not really."  
  
"Not really?"  
  
"We're...working on it..."  
  
I cleared my throat. "One word: why?"  
  
He shrugged. "Marik says we argue like a married couple anyway. And because him and Marik broke up..."  
  
"Who isn't gay...or bi?"  
  
"Um...Honda...Anzu...you..."  
  
"Me? Can you be so sure?"  
  
"You're too busy to be either. Or were..."  
  
"What if I am gay?"  
  
"Then welcome to the tangled web."  
  
"And if I'm not?"  
  
He sighed. "Either way, Kaiba. You're a jerk. Jounochi's 'like' is merely physical."  
  
"Physical?"  
  
"An ice cube is warmer to him."  
  
"He said I think I'm a god. And that some people...believe me..."  
  
"You are a god, Kaiba. You're everything he wants to be. He hates it and would never admit it. But it's true."  
  
"I never said I liked him."  
  
"I know. The only people worth noticing have someone you want. You couldn't care less about Honda or Anzu or Bakura or Ryou or Duke. You don't care. Me? I can beat you in Duel Monsters. Yugi...who couldn't notice Yugi? Marik had a god card. But what is it about Jounochi that makes you notice him? Is it just fun to throw yourself around at him? Because you need his reaction? You needed...him to notice you?"  
  
"I couldn't care less about that dog."  
  
"Is that really what you tell yourself?"  
  
"For your information, Yami, I--"  
  
"What? You what? What is it that you really want to say?"  
  
"I..."  
  
"What, Kaiba?" he demanded.  
  
"I..."  
  
Just then, the door opened. Yugi and Jounochi came in, talking to each other.  
  
"Nothing," I said bitterly. "Nothing you fucking faggot!" Yugi and Jounochi stopped cold in their tracks. "I hate you! I hate you all!" I fell to my knees, clutching at my hair. "You're just a fucking faggot!" I screamed.  
  
"And so are you!" he screamed back. "But no! You had to be perfect! That's what it is, Kaiba! You had to be perfect for Mokuba. That's why you never dropped out or sold your company. And that's why you had to win. Mokuba looked up at you and you had to be perfect. You couldn't date, could you? Not because of Kaiba Corp., but because you were *scared*! But he's not here anymore, is he? And you feel strangely relieved, right? But now you don't have control over anything anymore. You're a faggot and you couldn't tell your brother." He stood me up by a fist full of my hair. He stared me into the eyes. "You created an illusion. For him. Where's the illusion, Kaiba? Seto Kaiba? Who's Kaiba without his brother? He's just poor, scared little Seto."  
  
Tears fell down my cheeks as I stared into his cold violet eyes. "Why are you doing this to me?"  
  
Yami folded me into a hug. "To let you know it's okay. You're human, Kaiba. It's okay that you're not perfect."  
  
"I hate you all," I mumbled.  
  
Yami chuckled to himself. "Why would you say something like that?"  
  
"Maybe `cuz ya just insulted him, Yami." Jounochi was giving me a half smile.  
  
"Why don't you sit down?" Yugi murmured, taking my hand and pulling me to the couch.  
  
I broke my grasp with him. "I need to...go think about a few things, that's all," I said distractedly, walking away from them. "I'll be back before...sundown..." I muttered.  
  
~~~ I wondered to my mansion. I stood looking at the gated fortress from across the street. People paid little attention to me, I having looked very different from my usual appearance. Gone was my trench coat. I wrapped my arms around me, suddenly cold without it. My hair was less than perfect. I sighed, pushing past a few strands that were in my eyes.  
  
I felt an arm wrap around me. "It looks lonely," they spoke softly. I turned to look at Jounochi. "*You* look lonely," he said gently.  
  
"What are you doing, Jounochi?"  
  
"I was on my way home and I saw you. I couldn't just leave you out here."  
  
"Why, because I'm good looking?" I asked bitterly.  
  
Jou tensed at that. "It has nothing to do with your looks, Kaiba. And it certainly doesn't have to do with...that I... Just stop it. It's called compassion. You see another human being in so much pain that you feel it too and all you want to do is help take some of it away. I can't believe you!" he nearly shouted. He stepped away from me, shaking his head. "Why are you such a jerk?"  
  
"My brother is *dead.* He is ALL I've EVER had, you stupid mutt!"  
  
"That doesn't give you the right to make everyone *HATE* being around you!"  
  
"Yugi doesn't!" I screamed. "Why do you care if I like you? Why, Jounochi?!"  
  
"Because I like you!" he screamed. "I always have! But no matter what I did, you were always this big jerk to me! But we...have so much in common... Please, Kaiba, just--"  
  
"Jounochi. Stop it. You're acting like a girl. Even if we're both...gay...don't think I'm automatically drawn to you. I don't see why you would even get that idea." Jounochi began walking away from me, a stricken look on his face. "Jounochi," I began, "don't do--"  
  
"Just leave me alone!" he screamed, running, now, blindly.  
  
And then compassion got me.  
  
I began chasing after him, but I don't think he noticed. I followed him to a run-down apartment complex, where he took the stairs two at a time, running far ahead of me. He flung the door open and went inside.  
  
I had just reached the door and was about to knock when I heard the sickest sound.  
  
A body was being thrown against the wall.  
  
Jounochi's body.  
  
Through the paper-thin walls, I heard the sound of flesh hitting flesh and random curses and Jounochi's mixed moaning and cries. Then I heard Jounochi scream, "Oh god no, Dad, please!"  
  
I bolted.  
  
What do you expect me to do?  
  
Play god?  
  
~~~ 


	5. 05

It was several weeks later before I spoke to Jounochi again. I had started helping around the house and running the card shop and I talked Yugi and Yami into rearranging their lives a bit. I've always had a talent for productivity.  
  
I helped them clean out Yugi's late grandpa's room, moving Yami into it. Yugi took his room back over and I agreed to sleep on the couch. It was a good deal for the time being. I knew it would be awhile before I was ever going to go into my house again. I donated some cards to their--our--shop and fixed things up a bit. I was quite proud of it, actually.  
  
I was running the register while Yugi was at school and Yami was running a few errands when Jounochi burst into the game shop. "Jounochi?" I sat up, looking at him startled. "What are you doing here?"  
  
There was a pain look on his face and he seemed to be searching for something as he looked around. "Is...is Yami here?"  
  
"No, but he should be back in about an hour." I got up from the stool and brushed my annoying bangs back. "Jounochi? What's wrong? Shouldn't you be at school?"  
  
"I'm skipping," he murmured.  
  
"Skipping? Come on, mutt, what's wrong?" Ooo, slip up, I hadn't meant to call him a dog.  
  
"Nothing, MISTER HIGH-AND-MIGHTY!" he burst out.  
  
"Jou, I'm sorry. Calm down. Do you need Yami for something or do you need to just...talk?"  
  
"Talk," he said, heaving a large sigh. He pushed his hands in his pockets, leaning against the wall. "He listens good."  
  
"Well. He listens 'well.'"  
  
"Whatever."  
  
"Come on, Jou, I can listen, too. I have ears."  
  
"Really big ones."  
  
"Jounochi, why are you so difficult? Why can't you let me just... I'm trying, godamnit! Fuck, I know making friends ain't easy, but for god's sake, do *you* have to make it so difficult?!"  
  
"Me? Friends with me?" He pushed himself off the wall and walked over to me, a grin stretching on his face. "Okay, you really want to listen?"  
  
"Yeah, sure, I guess."  
  
"No, this ain't no guessing. What I'm about to tell you, you have gotta promise to tell no one, not even Yugi. Understand?"  
  
I looked at him a bit startled. "Are you sure you want to tell me?"  
  
"Yeah, of course. I can't really talk about this with anyone else. They ain't gay. Kapeesh?"  
  
"Who are you, Tony Soprano?" I asked dryly. Imagine, Jounochi. With a New Jersey accent. Next you'll be telling me his name is really Joey.  
  
"Well, you know..." he trailed off. He sighed. "I'm dating Otogi."  
  
"That's disgusting."  
  
"Shut up. Whatever you think, that fact remains that me and Otogi are...fucking..."  
  
I raised an eyebrow but stayed silent.  
  
"And it's been quite enjoyable and everything, though I know he doesn't like me and I don't really like him."  
  
Well, wow, the mutt wasn't as stupid as I thought.  
  
"But we're still faithful to each other. And we've both...been with other people."  
  
"Um, look, sorry, but I have to interrupt. But how can you be faithful *and* fuck other people?"  
  
"It's just how him and me work. We tell each other before anything happens. He gets a little pissed when I call him at midnight, but he got even madder when I didn't tell him."  
  
"Okay, so where's this story going?"  
  
Jounochi sighed, rolling his eyes. "What I was going to ask Yami was if I should ask you."  
  
"Ask me what?"  
  
"Do you want to be in a threesome?"  
  
I started choking. I fell off the stool and he caught me, holding me close. "What?!" I burst out in his face.  
  
He rubbed his ear. "Oww, god... Look, I don't think it's a good idea, but Otogi says I fantasize about you enough anyway..."  
  
"Is that true?" I asked really quietly.  
  
"Um...I plead the fifth."  
  
"This isn't America."  
  
"But it's how they do it on the court TV shows."  
  
I sighed. "I'm not sure if I want my first consensual time to be a threesome."  
  
"Look, to put it simply, we both think you're sexy. And he's been wanting to do a threesome. If you say no, I understand."  
  
"I'll do it," I whispered. I was still in his arms and it wasn't so...bad...  
  
"Huh?" he asked dumbfounded.  
  
"Look, I'll do it. But you have better not tell anyone and make sure he knows it, too."  
  
"You like Yugi, huh?"  
  
"What does that have anything to do with anything?"  
  
"It's just...well... Otogi's always liked Honda. And I've always liked..." he mumbled something.  
  
"Who?"  
  
"No one."  
  
"Me?"  
  
"No, I've just jerked off to you, okay?"  
  
"Thanks, Jounochi." I stood up, not wanting him to touch me suddenly.  
  
"What, do you expect me to like more than your looks? Not from where I'm standing, but you're starting to be more than just a pretty face."  
  
"Yeah, I'm the pretty face that's going to kick your ass."  
  
"I've always sort of liked Ryou. But I never had the guts to say anything."  
  
"So you're saying this threesome will solve all of our little wants?"  
  
"Nah, it will give me and Otogi the chance to fuck you and you the chance to stop being such a prick. Marik always said you just needed to get laid."  
  
I rolled my eyes. Asshole. Who I'm going to loose my virginity to. Geez...  
  
"Tomorrow night good? It's Friday and me and Otogi don't have school on Saturday this week."  
  
"Yeah...um...Jou?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"You're not going to expect me to know anything, right?"  
  
"Of course. Don't worry your little brunette head at all. And we want is for you to show up. At his apartment. At eight."  
  
"Eight? Isn't that...early?"  
  
"No, just a good time. And plan to stay the night, okay?"  
  
I nodded. What else was I suppose to do? He knew what he was talking about.  
  
I didn't.  
  
~~~  
  
I looked at Yugi through the corner of my eye. He is...cute. Adorable. But really sexy, too. He turned to me and smiled. "So Jounochi said he invited you over. I think that's really nice. You want to be friends with him?"  
  
I continued stocking the shelves with new booster packs. "Well, I'm trying." I turned around and gave him a half-smile. "You don't feel left out, do you?"  
  
Yugi smiled. "I'm a big boy, Kaiba. I have plenty to keep me busy while you and Jounochi hang out."  
  
"Who's hanging out?" Yami asked, peeking his head out from the back storeroom.  
  
"Kaiba's going over to Duke's to hang out with him and Jounochi."  
  
Yami raised his eyebrows at me, then went back into the room.  
  
"I'm going to pack my bag, okay, Yugi?" I wrapped my arms around him and gave him a hug. "See you tomorrow."  
  
~~~ 


	6. 06

Otogi smiled. "Hey, come on in." His eyes went over my body, studying every inch of it. "Nice to see you...glad you came." He wrapped his arms around my shoulders, drawing me inside. Otogi looked at me seriously for a few minutes. "I'm really sorry, Kaiba, about what happened," he said softly. "You want to sit down? Jounochi's not here yet."  
  
I nodded mutely, taking a seat. He smiled and sat next to me. "You ever done anything like this before?" I shook my head, not looking at him. He continued to smile, moving my head to look at him. "It's okay. How about a kiss? Can you handle that?"  
  
I shrugged, looking down. "I guess so," I said quietly.  
  
"You guess so?" he whispered, smiling. He moved in close to me, his eyes closed. "Come here," he whispered, centimeters from my face. He tilted his head and fitted his lips with mine.  
  
My eyes shot open, then slowly began to flutter shut. I placed my hand on his shoulder, bringing him closer.  
  
The door opened and Jounochi's voice rung out, "Honey, I'm home! Oh, starting without me?"  
  
I broke the kiss, looking down at my hands in my lap. My cheeks felt hot. "Kounichi-wa, Jounochi," I mumbled.  
  
He closed the door and walked over to me. "What's this? Kaiba blushing?" He caressed my cheek with his hand and drew me closer. Jou pressed his lips against mine, then quickly broke it. "Or was Otogi just warming you up?"  
  
I continued blushing, not looking at them as they took turns drawing me into chaste kisses until Otogi finally stuck his tongue in my mouth, rolling it around. I broke from it, standing up, coughing. I barely got an, "Excuse me," before I rushed out of the room to where I assumed was a bathroom.  
  
It wasn't.  
  
It was a nicely furnish, but obviously under-used bedroom.  
  
Ah, well, I decided, leaning against the back of the closed door. I began sucking in uneasy breaths, several things racing through my head. Before I got too involved with my thoughts, a knock came at the door. "Kaiba?" Otogi's self-assured voice called from behind the door. "You okay in there? The bathroom is down the hall."  
  
"I'm not sure if I still want to do this," I said evenly.  
  
"Don't worry about it," he said, not ever pausing long enough to sound disappointed or shocked. "Why don't you come out and watch a movie or something with Jounochi? I have some work to do."  
  
I opened the door a crack, peeking out.  
  
He smiled at me warmly. "It's okay, Kaiba. I freaked out my first time, too. Just take your time."  
  
I nodded, closing the door again. Honestly, I couldn't help thinking to myself. How the hell did I end up in this mess? My sudden desire to have a friend or two? God, Mokuba, you've really done it this time.  
  
Figures. I always blame my own weakness on everyone else. I really am pathetic.  
  
I finally opened the door and wondered out to the living room. Jounochi was slung over the couch, stareing at the TV. It was weird how my heart skipped a beat when I saw him, as lame as *that* sounds.  
  
He gazed up at me and smiled. He motioned for the cushions beside him. "Take a seat." His smile's kind of charming, not goofy like I always thought before. "Or stand, you look good standing there."  
  
I raised my eyebrow, then delicately took the seat next to him. "What are you watching?" I asked softly.  
  
"You."  
  
I nearly started coughing. "You're being different."  
  
"I'm being honest." He caressed my cheek for a second, then smiled sheepishly. "Eh, I'll leave you alone if you want."  
  
I sat up straighter and looked down at my hands in my lap. "No, it's fine, that's why I'm here, right?"  
  
"Not just that, jeez, Kaiba. Calm down. You're uptight, you know that?" He took my hand in his and held it carefully. "I like you better when we're alone," he said carefully, an unsure smile on his face. Jounochi seemed to always smile, except when I was around. Now he just kept smiling.  
  
What kind of person always smiles?  
  
Someone so hurt they can't close up from the world.  
  
Like me.  
  
Why is Jounochi like this?  
  
What could have hurt him so bad to be like this?  
  
"You look sad," he commented, breaking me from my thoughts. "I think that's the only emotion I've ever seen on your face. Do you get sad a lot?"  
  
"I don't want to talk about that," I said, withdrawing.  
  
"Understandable. But you're hurting my hand."  
  
I realized I was clutching his hand in a death grip. I drop his hand like it's on fire. "Oh, sorry."  
  
He just keeps smiling. "You have arthritis or something from all that computer stuff you do?"  
  
"Carpal tunnal."  
  
"But great posture. I've never seen someone stand up so straight without any slouching at all. Come on, relax."  
  
He wedged himself behind me, causing me to turn back to look at him. "What are you doing?"  
  
"You need a neck rub or something. I'm good at those. Come on."  
  
The next thing I now, he's touched this part on the small of my back and I'm completely slack in his arms. He's laughing at me, staring down into my eyes. "You're very tense. Just relax. Kind of like right now." He eased himself from under me and stood up, holding out a hand. "We can use Otogi's futon."  
  
"For what?" I asked suspiciously.  
  
He's laughing his head off. "For a *massage*! What did you think?"  
  
"Well," I said, standing up, "considering the pretense of why I'm here, you'd be suspicious, too!"  
  
"No, I'd be like, hell yeah! Sex!"  
  
"I always thought you were straight. I mean, with that blond..."  
  
"Mai? She's way older than me. I like her and everything, but the chances? Eh, not good." He slipped his arm around the small of my back and led me through the hallways. "I'm bi. I've just had more chances with guys than girls. I'm not really smooth with the lades. All gay guys like the big dork who makes a fool of themselves."  
  
"All?" I asked, arching an eyebrow.  
  
"Eh, well, no, not all. But look at it this way, now you can have me on my knees like a dog," he said, giving me a sly smile.  
  
"Wha--?" My eyes widened as he pushed me into a bedroom.  
  
"I'm not all dork, Kaiba. And I'm certainly not stupid. I might not be smart like you or Ryou, but I got the skills to do what I'm good at."  
  
"So what are you good at?" I asked, my arms folding over my chest.  
  
"Sex. And fighting."  
  
"I'm better at the second."  
  
"I'm better at the first." My eyes widened at he pulled me down onto the futon. "Lie down," he purred into my ear.  
  
"What are you going to do?"  
  
"Whatever you want."  
  
I looked back at the door, startled. "What about Otogi? I thought it was a--"  
  
"I have permission. He says that if you only want to have sex with one of us it's fine. He has work to do anyway. You don't have to do this with me if you don't want. If you prefer Otogi, I understand. I'm not exactly your favorite person."  
  
"I-I barely know him."  
  
"You don't have to have sex with either of us. He was surprised you agreed."  
  
"I don't know. S-sex is a big step..."  
  
"God, you look hot when you're confused."  
  
"I'm not confused. I'm flustered!"  
  
He laughed. "At least let me give you a massage. Deal? And I won't pull anything."  
  
"Okay," I said quietly. 


	7. 07

He looked at me expectantly.  
  
"What?" I asked, confused.  
  
"Take off your shirt."  
  
I nodded dumbly, pulling my coat off. I began unbuttoning my shirt and he gasped. "What?" I asked, looking up, startled.  
  
"You're just really sexy."  
  
I felt uncomfortable. Jounochi was acting all smooth and at ease a few seconds ago and suddenly, he was staring at me like a little child. "Are you okay?"  
  
"I've dreamed about this a lot. It's like a dream." He was staring at my chest, just barely revealed by my shirt. He leaned in, placing his hand on my shoulder. He leaned in and pressed his lips against mine, pushing me down so I was holding myself by my elbows.  
  
"St-stop," I mumbled against his lips.  
  
He slipped from my lips, pressing his forehead against my chest. "I'm sorry," he mumbled.  
  
"It's...it's okay. You really like me, huh?"  
  
"A lot. And the more I'm around you, the more I like you. It's weird, I'm ignoring every time you've ever been a jerk and just focusing on the way you look right now and how good you smell. God I want you..."  
  
I couldn't think of anything to say. "Jounochi..."  
  
"I'm trying to shut up. You're just so sexy..." He looked up at me with his caramel eyes. "I'm making an ass of myself."  
  
I slide all the way back into the futon, staring at him, only centimeters from my face. "It's okay," I whispered. I drew him into a kiss. He broke the kiss gently, and asked huskily, "Would you freak out if I slipped my tongue in your mouth?"  
  
"No..."  
  
He closed me into a kiss again, running his tongue over my lips, then slipped it into my mouth and lazily ran his tongue over mine. He sat up a bit, trying to break the kiss, but I followed him with my mouth, running my tongue over his. He laughed gently, continuing to kiss me as he started unbuttoning my shirt. He began to kiss down, running his tongue over my neck, my chest, over my nipple, down, down, down... I let out a moan. "Jounochi!" I screamed, surprised.  
  
He laughed, running his tongue on the smooth skin by the hem of my pants. "Yes, Master?"  
  
"I'm not..."  
  
"You can be..." he whispered.  
  
"Stop... I don't want to hurt you..."  
  
"Why the sudden change?" he whispered.  
  
"I never wanted to hurt you to begin with. It was twisted flirting..."  
  
He laughed, leaning down to kiss me again, wrapping his arms around me. "Really?" He began to trace random patterns in my skin with his finger. "Otogi was drawn to my submissive-ism-iatary."  
  
"That's not a word."  
  
"So?" he asked in a really quiet voice.  
  
"You're submissive?"  
  
"I'm easily put in my place," he rephrased, a hint of sadness to his voice. He laid his head down on my waist, drawing his legs up a bit. He stared off at the wall, not seeing anything. "What are you thinking?" he asked, breaking the silence.  
  
"About...Mokuba..."  
  
"What about him?" he asked quietly.  
  
"Just different things we've been through. You know...my mother died giving birth to him. I barley remember her. I guess I had him replace her, though. And then my father died and I again replaced him with Mokuba." I felt tears come to my eyes but I didn't bother fighting them or brushing them away. Jounochi couldn't see me. "Every bit of sadness I ever went through was okay in the end...I had Mokuba. He was my everything, Jounochi. I even spoiled him sometimes. The only thing I didn't give him enough of was me. I rarely spent time with him, though I tried so hard. Even if it was just him sitting while I worked on a thing for the company, I got as much time in as I could."  
  
"Please don't cry," Jounochi said softly. Before I could ask him how he knew I was crying, he said, "I felt terrible when I lost my sister. It wasn't permanent, but it certainly felt so. I'm rarely allowed to see her still."  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"My mom has custody of her."  
  
"And you're with your dad?"  
  
"Yeah..."  
  
I was quiet, trying to build up to courage to ask him. "Does he abuse you?"  
  
Jounochi's body tensed. He sat up, drawing away from me. "Yeah..." he said so softly that I could barley hear him.  
  
"My step-father did, too. He never really beat me, but he'd cut me." I wasn't sure what I was doing, but I was pulling off my shirt. I held my arm out. "This is why I mostly wear long sleeves," I said quietly.  
  
Jounochi looked up. His eyes widened as he traced the short, pale lines all over my body with his gaze. He mouthed, "Oh my god..." taking my arm and holding it. He pulled me into a hug. Whispering softly, he said, "How could you let him do that?" His hand began to trail down my back but he stopped short, touching an even higher concentration of the marks.  
  
"I believed him," I said softly. "I thought it'd make me stronger. It worked."  
  
"No, it made you strong on the outside. You're just as weak, if not weaker, on the inside."  
  
"I'm not you, Jounochi," I muttered, resting my head on his shoulder.  
  
"But I have an idea what you went through, Kaiba," he said softly.  
  
I was quiet several minutes, mulling that over in my head. "I couldn't have stopped him anyway."  
  
Jounochi lifted my face up and gazed into my eyes adoringly. "You know, Kaiba, I think you're beautiful. Even with the scars."  
  
I smiled, blushing a bit. "I think you're beautiful, too. Even with the bruises." I pulled him into a kiss.  
  
He kissed me back as I began to pull of his t-shirt. He lifted up, breaking the kiss shortly to let me pull it off of him. Our hands explored each other's bodies as our tongue explored each other's mouths. 


	8. 08

Everything was tender, gentle, soft...  
  
Everything was passion.  
  
It felt like we were making love.  
  
I gasped, sitting up.  
  
He looked up at me, alarmed. "Are you okay?"  
  
"Fine, fine..." I sat up, beginning to breathe strangely. "I don't wanna have sex."  
  
He sat up, trying to wrap his arms around me. "It's okay."  
  
"No, no...I don't want to have sex."  
  
"I understand." He turned me to look at him. He gently stroked my cheek. "It's okay," he said gently. "It's okay," he whispered, drawing me into another kiss.  
  
We kissed for awhile longer. He even gave me a small, pale hickey on my neck. He was pulling on his shirt, smiling at me, when I whispered, "Please don't tell anyone about the scars, Jounochi."  
  
He smiled sadly, "I promise."  
  
"I promise not to tell anyone about the bruises."  
  
He smiled, taking me by the hand and leading me out to the living room.  
  
We stretched out over the couch, watching a movie on TV, in each other's arms. His hand trailed over my stomach a bit, under my untucked shirt, making random swirly patterns and feeling really good. His breath went over my neck and on the forming hickey, feeling really good, too.  
  
Otogi came in and smiled. "So what have you two been up to?"  
  
"Making out," Jou murmured, engrossed in the movie.  
  
"Have fun, Kaiba?" he asked, stretched out on an easy chair.  
  
"Mmhmm," I murmured, snuggling up against Jounochi some more. He smiled and planted a small kiss on my forehead.  
  
~~~  
  
I was stretched out on the futon in Otogi's room when I awoke, not even sure when I fell asleep. I heard Otogi and Jou's voices from outside the room, murmuring to each other. As I laid there, trying to fall back asleep, their voices becoming something of a lullaby, I heard the sound of a body being pushed against a wall, jolting me awake. It took me a second or two to realize they were making out, making me feel stupid and embarrassed. I was starting to feel protective over the mutt. I sighed a bit, not meaning to think of him as a canine.  
  
The door handle began to turn, then stop, as Jou said, "He's sleeping."  
  
"Yeah, yeah..." Otogi muttered, sounding like he pulled Jou back into the kiss.  
  
"We should probably go to the guest room," Jou's voice filtering in.  
  
"This is my house, Jounochi."  
  
"Please, let him sleep."  
  
"You like him."  
  
"What?"  
  
Sigh.  
  
"What's that suppose to mean? Why are you shaking your head at me like that?"  
  
"You're falling for him. Even harder than before. Why?"  
  
"I don't know what you're talking about. Come on, I'm horny."  
  
I could hear them walking away. I rolled to my side, drawing my legs up. "Falling for me?" I whispered into the night. "Please don't."  
  
~~~  
  
I woke up to a different sort of awakening.  
  
Hands trailing over my face, lightly touching my features. I blinked my eyes open to look up at Otogi. "Urmph..." I mumbled, sitting up sleepily.  
  
"Katsu is making breakfast," Otogi said softly, standing up. "He says you have to get up if you want any."  
  
"Um, yeah, I'll be right there."  
  
Otogi nodded. "Did you have fun, Kaiba?"  
  
"RYUUJI! Where the hell are you?!" Jou's voice came through the apartment.  
  
"Molesting Kaiba! Is breakfast done yet?" Otogi called back.  
  
"Who am I, your maid?!"  
  
I shook my head. "I bet your neighbors love you two."  
  
"And why wouldn't they?" Otogi smiled. "We're two sexy guys who have sex all the time. Most people have to pay to see that kind of stuff."  
  
"Jesus, Otogi, you and I are totally different."  
  
"Oh, and Jou and I aren't?"  
  
"Two bakas addicted to sex. Sounds about the same to me."  
  
"Look, Kaiba, get over yourself. I am a teenager, Jou is a teenager, and *you* are a teenager. Unless you've had your dick chopped off, you're going to be horny. There's nothing wrong--"  
  
"Since when do I have to put up with shit? Thanks for the hospitality, Otogi," I said sarcastically, "but I'm out of here." I stood up and began grabbing my random articles of clothing. I began to storm out of the room at the same time as Jounochi started walking in. He caught me in his arms.  
  
"Kaiba, wait, what's the matter?" He held me close, preventing me from getting past him. "What did you do, Otogi?"  
  
"Let go of me!" I pushed at him. "I'm fucking out of here! Fuck you, fuck him, fuck you all!" I knocked him away from me. "I should have known this was just a way to fuck with me!"  
  
I stomped all the way back to the game shop. By the time I got there, I was more pissed than I had ever been. I slammed the door open, startling a few customers, and stomped my way up to the apartment.  
  
I was shoving my few belongings into my bag when Yugi timidly came in. "Kaiba-chan? Are you okay?"  
  
"Cut the fucking 'chan' bullshit. You don't give a fuck about me, I don't give a fuck about you."  
  
"That isn't true, Kaiba. Please, tell me what's wrong."  
  
I turned to look at him, anger written all over my face. "What's wrong? What's wrong, Yugi? I'm tired of being fucked with by people who claim to care but really couldn't give a rat's ass about me. Who do you people think you are anyway? We're two different people, Yugi, and it's never going to work out with us being friends. And the fact is, I don't need friends. I don't need anybody. I never have." I stood up, ready to leave.  
  
"That's not true, Seto Kaiba."  
  
I whirled around. "Who the hell do you think you are, Yugi?"  
  
"You've always had someone there for you, Kaiba. It's just that now, he's *dead*."  
  
I stared at him, shocked. "You fucking..." I trailed off. My eyes narrowed at him and I sneered at him. No longer did I care for Yugi at all. Just another pathetic excuse for a person. "Don't worry, Yugi. I'll no longer be a pain for you." I turned around and left him there.  
  
~~~  
  
I screamed, throwing the lamp at the wall. "Why did you fucking have to die?!" I screamed at the shattered remains.  
  
I tore at his bed, ripping off the sheets that still smelled like him. "I hate you! Why did you have to be so selfish?! I need you! Why did you leave me?!"  
  
I fell on my knees, sobbing into my folded arms, on the edge of the bed. "Oh god, Mokuba. Why? Why?! WHY?!" I sobbed into my arms, shaking all over.  
  
Half-an-hour later. I had a headache and my throat was raw from screaming. My face was red and wet and my arms had cuts in them from where my nails had dug into the skin and pulled.  
  
I was a mess.  
  
I had always been a mess.  
  
It's just now, you can *see* the mess.  
  
So now wonder why I even answered the gate.  
  
I jabbed my thumb onto the button. "Yeah?" I said in a weak, raspy voice. Groan, that sounds real impressive.  
  
"Hey, Kaiba? It's Jou. Yugi said you left. I wanted to make sure you're okay."  
  
"I'm fine," I said softly. It kind of hurt to talk.  
  
"Can I come in?"  
  
"Why?" I asked weakly.  
  
"`Cause I'm worried and I wanted to talk."  
  
"Just go away, mutt, before I call the dog catchers."  
  
"What did he say?"  
  
"What?" I asked annoyed.  
  
"Ryuuji. He obviously said something to bother you."  
  
"Just forget it, Jou, don't let it bother you. Go have sex with the dice freak and leave me alone."  
  
"Is that what this is about?"  
  
"What?!"  
  
"Are you jealous or something?"  
  
"Oh yeah, real jealous, little golden retriever."  
  
"Fine, you want to be an ass? I can only be nice for so long, Kaiba. I thought you had opened up but I was just wrong. I even liked you, you big asshole!"  
  
"Yeah, whatever."  
  
Suddenly, the other end went dead. I walked over to the window. Glancing out, I shook my head. Jounochi was climbing up the fence. And I had mistakenly given the impression that all my security was fired to all of them.  
  
I met him at the door, arms crossed. When you're confident, it doesn't matter how much of a mess you look.  
  
Or I thought.  
  
"What the hell happened?" he asked, his tone and expression changing from angry to concern. "Are you okay?"  
  
"I'm fine," I murmured, looking down. The tears were welling back up in my eyes.  
  
When he wrapped his arms around me, I broke. "Oh god, Jounochi..." I sobbed, pulling him close. I cried into his shoulder as he held me close. 


	9. 09

"What happened?" Jou asked softly, stroking my hair.  
  
"I...I went...to Mokuba's room..."  
  
Jou held me close. "You need to lie down," he whispered.  
  
I leaned up and looked into his soft brown eyes. "Jounochi..." I whispered. I was just centimeters from his face. I closed the small distance between us and planted a soft, ghost-of-a kiss on his soft, gentle lips.  
  
He tilted his head and kissed back. "It's okay, Kaiba," he whispered into my lips. With his mouth open, I slipped my tongue in, deepening the kiss. He tilted his head back, still kissing me, leading me to the couch.  
  
He finally broke the kiss once we were on the couch. "Kaiba. What are you doing?" He looked at me with this scared, distrusting look.  
  
I looked down at my hands "Nothing, forget it."  
  
He was silent, either waiting, or not sure what to say himself. Finally, I heaved a large sigh. "What do you want me to say, mutt?"  
  
"Something other than mutt," he muttered darkly.  
  
"You look just like a Golden Retriever puppy. You act like one, too." I crossed my arms, not looking at him. It was like a low-key version of our previous interpersonal relationship.  
  
"Conceited jerk."  
  
"Oh, you have to try something better than that. Or you can jump up and start throwing punches I'll easily dodge, making you look like an even bigger fool than I can ever do."  
  
"Virgin feline."  
  
"A little better. But at least I'm not a slut and I have my pride, while you're busy chasing your tail in circles."  
  
"Is having your pride really all that great? At least I have *fun*."  
  
"Pride is better than ignorance, koinu. And I am way better groomed."  
  
Jounochi rolled his eyes. "You know what? This is fucking stupid." He reached back and smacked me. "Grow up, Seto Kaiba."  
  
I gapped at him. "Who do you think you are?"  
  
"I am Katsuya Jounochi. Who do I think I am? I thought I was someone who sort of *mattered* to you. No, not a friend. I'd never expect that from *you*, Kaiba. But you can't even be nice to Yugi. You know what? I'm glad Mokuba died. At least he didn't have to put up with you anymore."  
  
I stared at him, emotionless. "How can you say that?" I asked evenly. I was beyond surprised, disgusted, angry...I was just sad. I felt tears stinging in my eyes and I had trouble breathing. I leaned down, holding my forehead in my hand. "It was just flirting...I don't hate you Jounochi... Far from it. And I don't want you to hate me... God, Jounochi...I'm...s- sorry..." I tripped over the word, having never said it and meant it before.  
  
I felt Jou wrap him arms around me tightly. "I don't hate you. I could never hate you. You're too sexy."  
  
I laughed despite my tears. "Sexy, hmm?" I looked up at him and his light brown eyes caught my gaze. He was smiling at me.  
  
"Very sexy," he said, leaning in and brushing my bangs out of my eyes. "And nice when you want to be."  
  
"I like you," I whispered, blushing.  
  
He widened his eyes. "Wow...cool..."  
  
I looked away, disappointed and embarrassed.  
  
"Oh, wait, Kaiba, I'm really flattered."  
  
"But?" I whispered, cringing at how soft and weak my voice sounded. My throat still hurt, I assured myself. Assured, meaning bullshitted.  
  
"But..." he said carefully. "I'd be scared of getting hurt in a relationship with you. You have a hard time even staying friends with people."  
  
"Not a hard time, just difficult. I'm new to this. I know I keep flipping out, but I'm under a lot of stress..." I shook my head and stood up. As I began walking out, Jou ran up to me and stopped me.  
  
We fell against the wall, making-out. His hands had my face cupped in them as his tongue worked over mine. I leaned up, breaking the kiss, as he moved down to begin working on my neck. "J-J-Jou-no-ch-chi...Jounochi," I said breathlessly. "I want you. I want to loose my virginity to you."  
  
He leaned up, studying my eyes. "Are you sure that's a good idea?"  
  
I nodded. "I want you to take me. Please..." I whispered. I closed my eyes, scared he would reject me.  
  
As I felt his lips on my neck again, I smiled. He whispered, "Alright."  
  
His fingers began working at my shirt buttons, carefully, starting to suck at my neck. I was mostly just trying to stay standing up, clutching at his shoulders. Finally, as his mouth moved down to my collarbone, down to my upper chest, down to my nipple, I let out a long, low moan. "Jounochi..." I whispered. "Don't-- Ahhhhh..." I moaned. "Don't hurt me. Promise you won't...hurt me..."  
  
He leaned back and smiled his confident smile. "Don't worry, Kaiba. You'll love ever minute of it."  
  
~~~  
  
I sat nervously at the edge of my bed, watching Jou go through my connected bathroom, looking for some kind of lube. "I really don't think you'll find anything, Jou."  
  
He leaned against the doorframe, chewing on his lip. His face brightened, jogging out of the room. "I'll be right back!" he called behind him.  
  
He came bag, holding his beat-up backpack. "Good thing I grabbed this," he said, grinning. I watched him dig through it and triumphantly pull out a palm-sized clear tube filled with red gel stuff.  
  
"What's that?" I asked uneasily.  
  
"Flavored lube." He looked closely at the text. "Mmm...chocolate-covered cherry. Compliments of Otogi."  
  
I grimaced.  
  
"Don't worry, it's not even opened. Either way, you don't like him much, do you?"  
  
I shrugged. "He's just...irritating."  
  
Jou shrugged. "I felt that way, too. Speaking of him, I should probably call him." He started towards the phone.  
  
I caught his arm. "No." He looked into my eyes, confused. "I...it's just...Jou, this is my first time. Please don't call him," I begged.  
  
He raised his eyebrows at my tone, but said nothing.  
  
Instead, he got an evil look on his face and pushed me face-first down onto the bed. Before I could get up, he climbed on top of me. His fingers weaved into mine and I could feel his erection through our pants, pressed up against me. "What do you want me to do?" he whispered into my ear.  
  
When I said nothing, just kept looking forward, he laughed lightly. "Come on, got a sexual fantasy? Something you want me to do?"  
  
Scared to answer, I said nothing. After a couple tense (for me) minutes, he bucked his hips against me. I gasped, feeling myself harden. "Jou!"  
  
"Scream my real name," he said into my hair.  
  
"Katsuya..." I said breathlessly.  
  
He lifted his hands from mine and tugged at my collar. "You like this shirt?" I nodded into the mattress. "Buy a new one," he said, ripping my shirt in two.  
  
I craned my neck to look at him, surprised. "You ripped right through my shirt!" I said, surprised more that he had managed to do it bare-handily than that he had ruined my shirt.  
  
***NC-17 FROM HERE ON OUT! SKIP TO NEXT CHAPTER IF YOU DON'T WANT TO READ!!!!!!***  
  
"Mmhmm..." He ran his tongue down my spine, causing me to gasp, arch my back into him, clutch at the mattress, and clench my toes in my shoes. He used his feet to kick off his shoes. He got me on my knees, kneeling on the bed, as one arm supported me around the shoulders, and the other hand began undoing my pants. His mouth was on my shoulder, sucking and nibbling.  
  
Then I was pants-less, on my hands and knees, Jounochi behind me. "Am I going too fast?" he asked, a bit flustered.  
  
"Nnn--" I gasped, feeling a lube finger enter me. "OH MY GOD!" I screamed.  
  
It wasn't painful, it wasn't unpleasant, just...different.  
  
Jounochi was laughing lightly. "Still not going too fast?"  
  
I whimpered as his finger began pulling out, then thrust back in. My arms trembled, threatening to give out on me.  
  
Jou worked at a steady pace, getting me used to the invasion. Still, I couldn't help thinking, a small finger is a LOT different than--  
  
Oh...another finger. I grunted as his lubbed fingers began fucking me, occasionally scissoring inside me.  
  
It became a lot more...good feeling the longer he did it. I strangely didn't feel embarrassed as I felt him studying me with his eyes. "Jou..." I purred, feeling good.  
  
That's when I got another surprise. He pulled both fingers out and I moaned, disappointed. "What are--?" I gasped, feeling his tongue run over me. "Jounochi!" I moaned, my arms giving out, leaving me with my face pressed into the mattress, my butt in a the air, and Jou running his tongue over--and *in*--my hole.  
  
He's definitely strong, because he managed to flip me onto my back, still giving me the rim job, holding me up in the air by my waist. I rested on my shoulder blades, looking up at the blonde puppy run his tongue over me, eyes closed, looking like he was enjoying himself.  
  
I was gasping, moaning, purring, and clawing at the bedspread, unable to take it. "Jou...Jou..." Through my lustful haze, I remembered his request. "Katsuya...!" I moaned, my eyes closing.  
  
He stopped, letting me slide down on my back, gazing up at him, my legs loosely wrapped around him. "Katsuya, please," I begged.  
  
He leaned in, smiling, inches from my face. That's when I realized he was still fully clothed, minus shoes, while I was bare, spread out like his dinner. I reached up to pull off his shirt, but he pulled from my hands, running his tongue over my chest, down...taking my member in his throat. I moaned loudly as he deep-throated me, then moved up and down, letting me fuck his face. Unable to control myself, I bucked my hips into him, causing his to cough a bit, but he recovered easily.  
  
"Sorry," I moaned, willing myself to go at his pace.  
  
I realized I had never felt that good in my life.  
  
My fingers weaved into his soft, fluffy hair, causing him to gasp. I suppose his scalp is a sensitive place for him. I pulled him off me, up to my mouth, ravishing his mouth. My tongue went over his mouth, tasting him, me, and the lube...  
  
He broke the kiss, staring down at me, with mild amazement. "That couldn't have tasted that great. No one wants to kiss me after I sucked them off."  
  
I pulled him into a kiss, disproving his claim. He made me roll on my side as we kissed. "Spread your legs," he said huskily, then pulled me back into the kiss. I opened my legs, lying one loosely on his hip.  
  
His fingers entered me again, scissoring, fucking me, pushing into me. Gently, he entered a third finger. I broke the kiss, giving a strangled gasp. *That* was uncomfortable. I bit at my lip, tears spilling over my tightly closed eyes. "Just relax," he whispered, going slowly.  
  
By the time I was purring, I had finally gotten him out of his clothes. "Just take me," I growled low in my throat. "Please..."  
  
"I don't want to hurt you," he said breathlessly.  
  
I hit him on the shoulder. "I'm going to cum before you even fuck me, mutt," I growled.  
  
Jounochi pulled his fingers out. "You really want me to fuck you now?" Before I could say anything, he had pushed the head of his dick in.  
  
"FUUUUUUUUUUCK!" I screamed.  
  
He kept pushing in. "Shut the fuck up."  
  
"Jounochi, don't hurt me!" I screamed.  
  
He pulled out, just to thrust in deeper. "It hurts, doesn't it, Kaiba?"  
  
I rolled onto my back, groaning. "St-stop...mutt..." He pushed all the way in. "Oh god, Jounochi..."  
  
"It's nothing personal," he said low in his throat. He began kissing at my jaw. "Just relax."  
  
"This doesn't feel good," I moaned painfully. "Why does it feel this way...?" I whimpered.  
  
It was painful. Don't ever believe that bullshit you read on-line. Nifty.org can lick my ass. It was like being ripped in half while the person doing it is taking the ultimate pleasure from it. This feeling of intrusion on my body...  
  
I hit my hand against his shoulder. "Get out, right now! Get. Out. Of. ME!" I said through clenched teeth.  
  
Jou captured my mouth and I could taste his smile. He pulled out halfway, letting me catch my breath and relax, then pushed back in me, this time, hitting something within me, causing me to gasp. "Oh god...puppy..." I moaned in pleasure as he pulled out and sunk back in, hitting The Spot each time.  
  
"Feel good now?" he purred, smiling.  
  
"Oh god yes..." I moaned, my eyes closed.  
  
He sat up and pulled my legs up so they were resting on his shoulders, beginning to thrust harder. I gazed up at him. He had his eyes closed, mouth open, a look of pure pleasure on his face. I groaned as he thrust a bit hard. His eyes fluttered open, staring down at me, looking down at me possessively. "I'm not hurting you, am I?" I answered him with a moan of pleasure as he sent shivers through my body.  
  
I grabbed him by the arm and jerked him down for a kiss. He pulled from the kiss, to gaze into my eyes. "You have pretty eyes," he whispered, cupping my face in his hand. I pulled his other hand to my mouth and began sucking on the lubbed-up middle and index fingers.  
  
His hand slide from my jaw to my shoulder, clutching it. "Damn, Kaiba. You're going to get me to cum..." He thrust into me, harder. "God..." he moaned.  
  
I began sucking his fingers harder as he began fucking me harder. "Fuck..." he groaned. "I'm going to go...soon..." He pulled his fingers out of my mouth and grabbed my other shoulder, thrusting harder and harder, frantically, like he couldn't do it fast enough. Our moans seemed to escape our mouths simultaneously as he rocked with one last thrust, as deep as he could go, filling me up with his seed, collapsing against me.  
  
The weight on my own member was the final straw as I cam onto his chest, blacking out from my first shared orgasm. 


	10. 10

I woke up not more than a few minutes later to Jounochi cleaning me up with a towel from the bathroom. "Hey," he said softly, not meeting my gaze.  
  
"That was awesome," I purred, smiling.  
  
He shrugged, smiling his crooked smile. "Eh, it's just sex. Trust me, next time, we'll be getting down to business a lot faster."  
  
"Next time, hmm? So you were just being nice to me since it was my first time," I teased.  
  
He shook his head, smiling softly, standing up. He wiped the cum from his waist with the towel and walked over to the bathroom, already in his boxers.  
  
I pulled the sheet around my waist and trailed after him. He leaned over the sink, washing his hands, gargling mouthwash.  
  
"Whatcha doing?" I asked softly.  
  
He spit. "Cleaning up. Let's not forget that I had your ass in my mouth." He sucked down some more mouthwash from the bottle.  
  
"Wasn't my idea," I said softly, hugging myself close to him.  
  
I watched him gaze down at my hands wrapped around his front in the mirror. He seemed uncomfortable suddenly. "I should probably go," he said oddly.  
  
"Wait, don't go. Stay," I said softly, resting my cheek on his shoulder.  
  
He tore from me. "You don't get it," he spat at me. "You're not in love with me, and I'm definitely not in love with you. We just used each other to get off and that's it."  
  
"You...you took my virginity," I said, unable to believe what Jou was saying.  
  
"Well I'm sorry," he said sarcastically. "What the fuck do you want from me, Kaiba?"  
  
"To just stay for a few more minutes."  
  
"Well I can't." He walked into my bedroom, pulling on his clothes. "Bye," he muttered, tearing down the hall.  
  
I followed him down the stairs, barley able to keep the sheet on. "Wait! Just...stay for lunch," I practically begged. "Just a quick lunch."  
  
"You're being really pathetic," he mumbled, low enough to where I'm not sure if I was suppose to hear it.  
  
My stomach felt weird, like a knot was forming or something. And tears were beginning to form in my eyes. "I wasn't using you, Jounochi."  
  
"Whatever," he mumbled, stopping, having reached the front door. He reached for the knob, but I grabbed his hand.  
  
"Wait," I said desperately. "Please don't go."  
  
"Get off me," he spat, irritated, jerking his hand from mine. "Leave me alone," he grumbled.  
  
"Please," I whispered, giving up. "Just hold me," I said, closing the distance between us in a hug. "Just for a few minutes." I felt him tense. "Just a few seconds," I sobbed. My stomach felt like it was eating itself as I said that, the tears spilling over.  
  
I tore from him, tightening the sheet around me, running away from him, into another room.  
  
I waited; I waited to hear the door open and slam shut as tears fell down my cheeks.  
  
I heard a sigh instead. "It's just easier for us to hate each other," he called.  
  
"Go away," I ordered, miserably. "Just walk the fuck out like nothing happened."  
  
"I can't do that, Kaiba. Because something *did* happen."  
  
"What? You fell in love with me?" I laughed morbidly. "I can totally tell," I said sarcastically. "Just walk out."  
  
"Why are you doing this?" he moaned. "It was just a fuck. Why don't you get it?"  
  
"Get what? You want to spend the rest of your life as a slut, catering to everyone else's needs?"  
  
There was a long pause. "Just shut up, Kaiba," he said weakly.  
  
"You have more bruises than you had last night. Your father isn't the only who abuses you."  
  
"You don't know what you're talking about," he mumbled. Then he opened the door and left, slamming it weakly behind him.  
  
I slid down the wall, sitting on the ground as I began to cry into my hands.  
  
~~~  
  
I apologized to Yugi.  
  
He excepted my apology and said that at least I went home.  
  
A big step.  
  
And life moved on.  
  
Without seeing Jounochi or Otogi.  
  
Yugi and Yami never asked once about what happened. Which I was thankful for.  
  
The three of us were sitting at a table in a burger joint, talking.  
  
"So this heart of the cards business," I summed up, after listening to the two of them explain it, "is just another word for luck?"  
  
"No!" they said in unison.  
  
"It's about believing in your deck," Yami explained.  
  
"But I believe in my deck," I said, shrugging, "but I don't go on about the heart crap."  
  
"But do you really believe in it?" Yugi asked.  
  
"If I didn't, I wouldn't have used it."  
  
"But it's more than that," Yugi said, sipping at his soda. "It's important to believe, even when you think there's nothing you think you have left to offer in the duel."  
  
"So you're telling me that you two honestly believe in this? That you think that by 'calling' to the 'heart of the cards,' you can change the luck of the draw?"  
  
"Yes," they said in the freaky, twin-like unison.  
  
"Or maybe, you two only call to the heart of the cards when you have nothing left, so any card you draw seems good."  
  
Yami sighed, chewing on his fries.  
  
"Or maybe--"  
  
"Eat your lunch," Yami growled.  
  
"Yami!" Yugi exclaimed.  
  
"Or maybe Yami really can't lose, even if he tried, so he has some god looking over his shoulder that can physically change a card into another."  
  
Yugi giggled and Yami growled.  
  
"Shut up, Kaiba."  
  
"`sides," Yugi said through his giggles, "Yami *did* loose to you, Kaiba."  
  
I tensed. "When I cheated."  
  
"It wasn't really cheating," Yami observed. "There's nothing in the rules that says a CEO can't use his technology against himself in hopes his unbeatable opponent will take pity on him."  
  
I threw a fry at Yami. "Unbeatable my ass! There's *got* to be someone who can beat you."  
  
Yami chewed thoughtfully on his burger. "Nope." He smiled.  
  
"What about Yugi?" I asked.  
  
"What about me?" Yugi asked, looking uncomfortable.  
  
"Well, if I got all this right, you're just Yami reborn, so wouldn't you have the same skill?"  
  
"Skill's something you work at," Yami spoke softly. "I believe I worked my entire short life to get to my skill."  
  
Yugi shrugged. "`sides, to really prove who was better, we'd have to use the exact same deck."  
  
"Possible," I said.  
  
"And rule out 'luck,'" Yami muttered.  
  
"By having someone pre-match-up all the cards in the same order," I said softly, a plan beginning to form.  
  
"Just stop right there!" Yami pointed his "death finger of doom and destruction" at me. "There is no way I will fight a duel with my aibou!"  
  
"Because you're scared of loosing," I joked. Yugi joined me in my laughter.  
  
Yami shook his head. "Honestly, Kaiba."  
  
I took a sip from my soda, and gently placed my hand on Yugi's. Let's just say I had picked up my interest in him again.  
  
Yugi smiled back at me, innocently, not realizing I wanted it to be more than just a "friendly hand holding." Don't even ask.  
  
Yami noticed this. His eyes went from our hands to my eyes. "WATCH YOURSELF," he mouthed.  
  
I lifted my hand up, scratching at the back of my head. "So should we be heading back to the game shop soon?"  
  
Yugi shrugged. "I hardly get out anymore. It sucks being stuck at school all day," he mumbled, shooting Yami a dirty look.  
  
"An education is very important, aibou."  
  
Yugi sighed, rolling his eyes.  
  
"Well, then why don't you and Kaiba enjoy the rest of your Sunday? I'll go back to the Game Shop."  
  
Yugi smiled at Yami charmingly. "Thank you Yami!" he sang happily. He grabbed my hand and pulled me out of the booth. "Come on, Kaiba!"  
  
I followed him after him. "So where are we going?"  
  
"The park," he answered, leading me along.  
  
I smiled, going after him. "So what are we going to do at the park?"  
  
Yugi sighed. "Everything has to be planned out for you, huh?"  
  
"I prefer having an idea of what I'm going to do."  
  
"That's no fun! Have you ever heard of being spontaneous?" Yugi grabbed my hand and led me to a tree. "Do you ever just...relax?"  
  
"Doing absolutely nothing? No, even when I get massages, I'm on the phone."  
  
Yugi sighed. "Well sit down and relax right now!"  
  
I rolled my eyes and leaned against the tree. "Ooo, fun," I kidded.  
  
Yugi shook his head and sat down facing me. "See, this isn't so bad."  
  
I smiled. "It's...peaceful."  
  
Yugi leaned against the tree next to me, laying his head against my arms. "Mmmhmm.."  
  
I turned to him, smiling. "Yugi?" I said softly. I wanted to talk to him about how I felt.  
  
He yawned. "Mmm...sorry. I'm tired."  
  
I changed my mind. "You seem to be staying up later and later."  
  
"School's hard. And Yami won't let me just sit in class, he actually bothers me into paying attention."  
  
"You, Jounochi, and Honda were always the lowest in the class ranking. So what are you having trouble with?"  
  
"Everything," he pouted.  
  
"Then I'll help you with everything."  
  
"Thanks, Kaiba!" he said excitedly, sitting up and looking at me. "That'd be great."  
  
I cupped his face in my hand. I decided to bite the bullet. "Yugi," I said softly. "I really like you. I'd like to get more serious with you."  
  
Yugi looked down at his hands, which were tearing at the grass. "Well, uh..." I let go of his face. "That's nice," he said softly.  
  
"Unless you don't want to," I said softly. God, rejection sucks. Now I remember why I STAYED AWAY FROM PEOPLE!  
  
"It's not you, Kaiba. You're great. I just..."  
  
"Jounochi," I muttered, not even meaning to speak aloud.  
  
"Excuse me?"  
  
I glanced up at him. "You're in love with Jounochi. I shouldn't have even said anything."  
  
"How did you know that?" Yugi asked, looking suspicious.  
  
I bit nervously at my thumbnail. "I could just tell." You know, here I was, upset and depressed over being rejected twice in one month and here I was, explaining--lying--myself to Yugi. "Maybe you should tell him. He seemed to handle my homosexuality alright," I said sort of lamely. Now I was making him feel better. Normally, I'd be standing up and leaving. But I couldn't anymore...  
  
"But I'm his BEST FRIEND, Kaiba. And it's not like you told him you were in love with him."  
  
I looked down. Didn't tell, just insinuated. "I think I better go," I said softly. I stood up. "I'm going home. I need to think about some things."  
  
"Are you okay, Kaiba?"  
  
"Fine." 


	11. 11

No, I wasn't fine.  
  
I was depressed.  
  
Deeply depressed.  
  
Enough to make my well-stocked medicine cabinet look very inviting.  
  
I was just going for an Advil to get rid of my headache. But then I took another.  
  
And another.  
  
And another.  
  
And another...  
  
Until I stopped counting, just mechanically kept taking pill after pill until I was lying on the bathroom floor, curled up in a ball, sobbing.  
  
"Please let this be it! I don't want to go through this anymore! I tried! Fuck, I really tried! But I just can't do it! I can't do it... No..."  
  
I clutched at my head, sobbing. I couldn't feel much anymore, except my stomach seemed to be tying itself in knots.  
  
"I just want to see Mokuba again! Please! Is that so hard to ask? God! If there really is a god, be merciful and let me see my brother! I just want to see my brother again..."  
  
My cell started ringing. I pulled it out and clicked it on. I started to bring it to my ear, but my body jerked in an uncontrollable spasm, causing me to drop the phone. "NOOOOOO!!!" I sobbed as I began having something close to a seizure. "I can't die..." I groaned. "I gotta help...Yugi...on his...his home...home...homework..." I finally blacked out.  
  
~~~  
  
The next time I could feel anything, someone was holding me close. "It's okay," their warped voice said, dripping with something. Sadness? Concern? I couldn't even tell who it was. I blacked out again.  
  
~~~  
  
"Seto!"  
  
"Seto!"  
  
"Seto!"  
  
I groaned, rolling over onto my back. "Hrmmm?" I opened my eyes.  
  
"Seto!"  
  
My eyes adjusted, letting me see who was calling my name. Short, turquoise hair. The color of toothpaste...  
  
"Noa!" I yelled in surprise. "What are you doing here?"  
  
"I'm just a memory, Seto. A small memory. In your mind. Or Soul Room. I'm not sure how it all works."  
  
"Where am I? What's going on?"  
  
"Your stomach's being pumped. Jounochi found you, choking on your own puke."  
  
"Am I dead?"  
  
"Why would you think that?" he asked, crossing his small arms over his thin chest.  
  
I sat up uneasily. "Well...you're here. So I assumed..."  
  
Noa waved his hand around. "Does this really look like death? Besides, I can't die. Our father wouldn't allow that. I keep 'living on,' one way or another."  
  
"He wasn't my father, Noa."  
  
"Funny, I think you inherited his business, *brother.* And look what you did to it; just give it away because your stupid little brother's dead. You really are weak, Seto."  
  
"Shut up! You have no idea what it's like to have someone you care about die!"  
  
He laughed. "I am dead, Seto. And I saw what it did to my father."  
  
"God, when I asked to see my brother, I didn't fucking mean you!" I turned away from him, looking around the room.  
  
How fitting. For a Soul Room or whatever. An office space. That's when I notice the chain on my leg, leading to the desk. Chained to me work. I nearly freaked out.  
  
Noa laughed. "Remind you of daddy-dearest?" he said sarcastically.  
  
"What the fuck do you want?!" I screamed, trying to get the chain off, pathetically.  
  
"Watch your language, Seto, I'm only a CHILD."  
  
"What the hell do you want?"  
  
"Look around you, Seto," he said, waving his hand around. "Did Mokuba *really* mean that much to you? Then where is he? Hell, Seto, I'm here, and you couldn't care less about me. Father's here."  
  
I stared where he was pointing. A picture, over shadowing everything in the room. Tears threaten to take shape in my eyes. I looked around for any sign of Mokuba.  
  
There wasn't much in my room. It was mostly blue. Blue, the same shade as my eyes. A statue of the Blues Eyes White Dragon, a giant computer, an old comfortable pillow, several random Egyptian artifacts that made little sense to me, one even looking much like Marik's Millennium Rod.  
  
On the bare wall, there was drawn out a large mural of Jounochi and Yugi, seeming to fight with each other. Parts were colored in, but not much, as if the artist wasn't sure who was more important. I didn't understand. Jou and Yugi weren't fighting over me; both of them couldn't care less about my attraction. Then I got it. It was my fight on which to like.  
  
I turned to Noa. "It's like my subconscious."  
  
"I suppose," he said, smiling smugly at me.  
  
"Where's Mokuba? This can't be right, Mokuba should be here. What have you done?!"  
  
"I haven't done anything, Seto, this is all you. You've pushed his memory aside because it hurts so much. See if you can find him."  
  
"Find him?" I repeated. I stood up, looking around. I went to the far wall, where the battle continued to wage on, each gaining color in many places. I went over to the corner. "Mokuba?" I whispered.  
  
He stepped out from the shadows. "Big Brother?"  
  
A sob caught in my throat as I folding him up in a hug. I petted his soft, black hair. "Oh Mokuba..." I whispered, holding him close. "I missed you so much."  
  
"He's just a memory, you know. That's all you have left, Seto."  
  
"A memory..." I whispered. "A memory isn't so bad..." I said, hugging Mokuba closer.  
  
"You can't stay in your Soul Room forever, Seto. Unless you really want that. I can strike a deal if you want."  
  
"A deal?"  
  
"You know what I want. Your body. You want to be dead so bad anyway and at least this way you get your brother. Come on, you win, I win, it all works out."  
  
I glanced around the room. Then at into Mokuba's eyes. "I love you, Mokuba," I whispered. I glanced up at the mural. The more, it seemed, I wanted to stay, the more the colors began to fade. I turned back to look into Mokuba's eyes. "I love you, Mokuba," I repeated. "But you're just a memory. And I can't stay here forever."  
  
I turned to Noa. "No way. I'll keep my body, thank you."  
  
I bolted up, suddenly in a hospital room. Tubes were hooked up everywhere, including one I was breathing through. "What the fuck?!" I yelled, my voice muffled.  
  
A few nurses rushed to me, fixing this and that, getting me to lie back down. A man, who I assumed was a doctor, approached me. "Just relax, Kaiba-san. We're taking care of you."  
  
"Get me the fuck out of here!" I yelled, pulling different tubes and wires off me.  
  
"Restrain him," the doctor said. "He's a danger to himself."  
  
"Let go of me!" I screamed, as several male nurses held me down as a few women bustled around, strapping me to the bed. "No! No, you can't tie me down... NOOO!!!" I yelled, knocking one of the men in the jaw, before my arm was tied down.  
  
I had a fear. My one true weakness after Mokuba. I can't stand to be tied down. Restricted in anyway. Sometimes even tight spaces get to me. Probably why my Soul Room wasn't that full. Like Noa...said...? "Daddy- dearest." Ironically, tight clothes soothed me and made me feel safe, secure.  
  
The doctor leaned into me. "Just relax, Kaiba. We're going to take good care of you." He ran his fingers over my cheek.  
  
I shrunk back from him. "You can't hold me here," I said through clenched teeth.  
  
"You're a minor, Kaiba. I'm going to have to report you to the police. But don't let that worry you."  
  
I fought against the leather straps. "What the hell are you talking about?"  
  
"You attempted suicide. You obviously need to be taken care of."  
  
"You can't hold me here!" I screeched.  
  
He leaned in, whispering and smiling, "You don't own me anymore."  
  
I pulled against the restraints. "You can't keep me in here!" I screamed.  
  
"Just relax, Kaiba, everything is going to be just fine," he said in this fake sympathetic voice. He went over somewhere, where I couldn't see. Then came back, holding a needle upright.  
  
"What is that?" I asked, beginning to panic.  
  
"Just something to let you get some rest. Don't worry." He flicked his finger against the needle, then walked over to me. "Nothing to worry about, Kaiba."  
  
I tried to pull away from him. "Don't come near me!" I screamed. "LEAVE ME ALONE!"  
  
He pulled up my sleeve, and that's when I first realized I was wearing a hospital gown. Suddenly, I felt this sharp prick, then just...this wave of calm come over me. Then nothing.  
  
***  
  
For the record, I know Kaiba keeps bouncing back and forth from into character and out, but I figure he's aloud to in order to look more human and because he lost Mokuba. And this is my first *real* uke Kaiba. 


	12. 12

"Where's Jounochi?" I mumbled. I had been there for a few days, and they had kept me too drugged-out to keep count.  
  
"Who?" the doctor, Dr. Michio Takumi, asked, looking up from giving me another shot.  
  
"Jounochi," I mumbled. "You...you... He brought me here. Blonde..."  
  
"Now how in the world do you know who brought you here?" he asked, cocky.  
  
"I just do," I said, closing my eyes. "What are you giving me?"  
  
"Things to relax you, that's all."  
  
I shifted in the bed, the best I could, trying to find a comfortable position. I was still strapped down, though I had made little attempt to get out. "When are you going to call the shrink?" I asked lamely. I didn't mind anymore. I just wanted to see something else than these white, white rooms, and the same nurses, and Dr. Takumi, day in and day out. I was like his new favorite person, or something. Favorite person to harass.  
  
"She's coming. Soon, I promise." He gave me a smile, then turned on his heels and left.  
  
~~~  
  
I glanced up, from sleeping, I suppose. Life was so dull I couldn't really tell the difference. I finally realized why I had awakened. I heard voices. No, not in my head. I wasn't crazy. Out in the hallway.  
  
"Get off me, assholes! You better fucking let me see him! LET ME SEE HIM!!!"  
  
"Jounochi?" I mumbled, in a much lower voice than I had meant. "Jounochi!" I called. "Get me out of here!"  
  
I heard a scuffle at the door, then it burst open. "Oh god, Kaiba..."  
  
I craned my neck to see, but couldn't. "J-Jounochi. Please untie me..."  
  
He walked into my vision, but held back from getting much closer. "What are they doing to you?"  
  
"Please just untie me, Jou. Please..." I whispered hoarsely.  
  
He walked closer, getting down on his knees in front of me, leaning his head on the bed, peering up at me. "Kaiba?" He set his hand on mine. "What happened?"  
  
"I attempted suicide. I guess they think I need help."  
  
"Do you?"  
  
"I don't know."  
  
"You're not acting like yourself."  
  
"He gives me shots," I whisper, closing my eyes.  
  
"Are you just giving up?" he asks me, standing up and leaning over me. "Look at me."  
  
I open my eyes. "Jounochi," I said tiredly, "it's not my place out there."  
  
"Out where?"  
  
I closed my eyes. "In the real world. I'm so tired, Katsuya."  
  
"I had to fight just to see you. You almost died, Kaiba. If I hadn't of called you--"  
  
"If it hadn't been for you, I'd be JUST FINE! It's not my fault you walked out on me! It's not my fault Yugi is head over heels in love with you! And it certainly isn't my fault that I'm in love with you! So I couldn't stand the bullshit anymore. So I wanted to just go with my family. Did I really do anything that bad?"  
  
"You weren't breathing when I found you."  
  
"Who cares? Not you. You don't care about me."  
  
"Kaiba! Shut the fuck up! I don't need this fucking bullshit."  
  
"Then leave," I said softly, feeling sad all of a sudden. "Like you did before."  
  
He smashed his lips against mine. He leaned back up, tears in the corner of his eyes. "The only reason I left is so I wouldn't get hurt, Kaiba. I'm sorry I had to hurt you."  
  
"I like you, Jounochi." The words sounded weak, even to me.  
  
Shaking his head, he whispered, "I like you, too, idiot." He softly brushed my hair behind my ears, staring me in the eyes. "I just wish you weren't in here."  
  
"But he is," Dr. Takumi said from the door, smugly. "He's here, and the only time he'll leave is to go to the nut house."  
  
"You know, my company owns this hospital among other things. You are fired." My head was beginning to clear up to some extent.  
  
"Ha! You don't have any rights anymore."  
  
"I may have disappeared from the public eye, I may have wanted to, I may have drawn up the papers. But I never signed my company over to anyone. I am still the president *and* CEO of Kaiba Corp. Even if I wasn't, I still hold the patents to nearly everything Kaiba Corp. markets, still giving me revenues and a say in that company. So trust me, unless I'm discharged right now, expect a malpractice suit, even from the nut house."  
  
Dr. Takumi narrowed his eyes. "You fucking rich people. You think you can buy your way out of everything."  
  
"I haven't done anything wrong."  
  
"You tried to kill yourself."  
  
"And you stopped me from dying. Isn't that what you want? For me to die?" I noticed a slight tugging on my left hand's strap. I glanced over to see Jounochi, his back to me, slowly working at it one-handily.  
  
"Psychopathic people like you are suppose to be locked up."  
  
"Then call the godamned shrink! Unless you know I won't get locked up!" One last tug and my hand was free. "You sign those godamned release papers or you won't live to regret it."  
  
He came near me with another syringe. "You're acting up." He clicked his tongue.  
  
When he leaned in to give me the shot, I grabbed him by the collar. "NOW!" He pulled away from me but I wouldn't let go. "Sign them, Dr. Takumi."  
  
"Fine! Let go of me!"  
  
I dropped my grip, allowing him access to leave.  
  
Smartly, he returned, giving me a form to fill out after unstrapping my remaining body parts.  
  
Then, I was out of there. 


	13. 13

Jounochi and I barley spoke on the walk to the bus stop. I grunted a, "Come over," and that was it.  
  
We sat on my couch, stiffly, until he leaned over and placed a kiss on my lips. "You okay?" he asked softly.  
  
"I'm okay," I said tiredly. "Could be better..."  
  
He moved his mouth to my jawbone. "How `bout I make you better?" He began to slowly unbutton my shirt.  
  
"Mmmm..." I whispered, trailing my fingers through his hair. "You should call Otogi..." I mumbled.  
  
He broke off, staring at me. "What I do with my body is up to me, not him!"  
  
I tensed. "I just didn't want you to get in trouble, mutt," I growled.  
  
Jounochi climbed off me, then sat back down on the edge of the couch. "It's up to me what I want to do."  
  
I stared up at the ceiling. "It is."  
  
"And Otogi doesn't own me."  
  
"No, he doesn't."  
  
"So if I fall in love with you, I fall in love with you."  
  
"Yeah." I sat up. "Wait, what did you say?"  
  
He didn't look at me. "I've always really liked you."  
  
I rubbed his shoulders gently. "Even though I was a total prick?"  
  
He leaned his head against my shoulder. "You just seemed...well, yeah, a prick. A jerk. And I didn't like being called a mutt. But at the same time, you had the prettiest eyes and..." He faltered. "Don't get mad at me."  
  
"I won't," I said softly.  
  
He took my hand in his, stroking it gently with my thumb. "I saw that you cared so much about Mokuba. And I thought that...if I didn't leave you alone...you'd finally...well... You know how you respected Yugi? I didn't want that. I kind of did, but I also knew you never would. I guess I just wanted you to trust me. And it felt like you sort of did."  
  
I gave his hand a squeeze, now the one unable to look at the other. "I did. You said things to me that no one else would dare to say. You weren't afraid of me." I turned to look at him.  
  
He smiled at me. "No, I wasn't." He leaned in and kissed me.  
  
I broke from him. "This isn't going to be a fairy tale."  
  
He shook his head. "Then what is it?" He stood up and leaned back at me, both hands on my shoulders. "I don't expect you to be over this all ready. But I need to know if I'm making a commitment to someone who won't ever be all there. I need to know if have a chance to ever be happy with you. And if I'm just a replacement for...whoever the hell is missing from your life!" He lowered his voice. "It's okay if we take it slow. I just need you to promise me I'm not just a possession of yours."  
  
I looked down. "I don't know, Jounochi. I just..."  
  
He leaned his forehead against mine, making me looking into his eyes. "Maybe you need to think about it a bit more."  
  
I pulled him into my lap, holding him tightly. "And Otogi?"  
  
"Don't let that bother you. It's my problem. It's not your concern, so just...keep out of it."  
  
I jumped back, a little startled. "I didn't..."  
  
He stood up. "I'm just tired of having to council you in your problems, okay? But what really gets to me is that you then pick me apart. I've been doing just fine before you even got involved in my life so keep out of it unless you want the whole fucking deal, okay?"  
  
"Jou, what are you--?"  
  
"Just shut up. I'm getting really tired of this. Otogi is my problem, so just keep the hell out of this, alright?"  
  
"This isn't even about Otogi, is Jounochi?"  
  
"No isn't. This is about everyone staying the hell out of my life, and then finding on thing and picking it apart until you think you know me. So I'm slutty and I'm stuck in some weird abusive relationship. So you think you can step in and tell me how to change it. I know what works for me. Otogi works for me."  
  
"But you're not happy."  
  
"But it works for me. Just like you and that stupid business. You weren't happy, but it worked."  
  
"But you've taught me that being happy--"  
  
"I haven't taught you shit, Kaiba. I've shown you the godamned mask I've had to display to everyone."  
  
Jounochi's laughing and joking and playing the fool was all just a mask? And my emotionless ice queen personality was a mask. Do we all wear masks? I didn't know masks came in such two different forms. My heart suddenly ached for him.  
  
I couldn't say it, though. The last thing he needed was pity, it seemed. I couldn't say anything, finally closing my eyes and slumping against the couch. "I'm so sorry," finally slipped out.  
  
Jou slapped his hand across my cheek. "Listen here, asshole! I've had about enough of you feeling sorry for me! Look at you, you pathetic piece of shit! I am so fucking sick of you. Why don't you get it?"  
  
"Because you keep doing things like this, Jounochi Katsuya."  
  
"Like what, Kaiba Seto?" he challenged.  
  
I looked down, tears burning my eyes. "I'd like you to leave."  
  
"I know you do. That's why I'm still here."  
  
"Your purpose. Your purpose, what is it?" I asked in a shaky voice. Tears were rolling down my cheeks, but I fought the sobs. He couldn't see me crying with my body hunched over the way it was, but I'd be dead if I let out a sob. I was asking him to attack me. You never show weakness, you never show weakness, you never--  
  
"Are you even listening to me?!" he screamed exasperated. He grabbed me by the shoulder, his nails digging into me, but I cold barley feel it. He pushed me back, to look in my eyes, but it was no use. I wasn't even there.  
  
I was in my mind. I registered him screaming into my face, but I understood nothing. I gazed into his face, but saw nothing. Tears rolled down my face, but I felt nothing.  
  
I began examining the things in the Soul Room. It wasn't as I left it. The entire mural was falling down, crumbling into ruins, leaving space to see the outside, which was only a gray void.  
  
I found nothing the way I had left it. The picture of Kaiba-sama had grown much larger, dominating most of the room, covering any sorts of Egyptian or Duel Monsters memories. I was still chained--no. I was shackled to a desk.  
  
Noa watched me look over the room helplessly. He had a smug look over his face, happy over what had happened.  
  
"I've failed," I whispered, both in my mind and in the World.  
  
"Of course you have," Noa answered. He began pacing the small length of the Soul Room, grinning amusingly.  
  
"It's all my fault..." I whispered.  
  
He leaned on the edge of the desk in a carefree way. "Well...you're wrong there. Certain things happen to trigger all this. You were just too weak, Seto. My father tried to train someone strong, so I could have a proper body. Sadly, he failed. You can't train someone who is naturally weak."  
  
I threw my head down, in defeat. "Take the fucking body. I don't want it anymore."  
  
He froze. "Seto?"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
He slide of the desk and edged over to me, bending down to my level. "Seto?"  
  
"What?" I whispered, my voice getting weaker and weaker.  
  
He got down on his knees and swiveled his head to look up at mine. "You're giving up?"  
  
"I failed. I promised Mokuba I'd be his father."  
  
"You can't control what happened to him, Seto."  
  
"I know."  
  
"Then how have you failed?"  
  
"A father wouldn't forget. I've pushed him away and put my own wants before his--"  
  
"For once in your life?"  
  
"You don't understand. Your father built an entire memory of you just so you could still be there. And Mokuba...he's not even in my thoughts anymore."  
  
Noa smiled, leaning his chin on his fist. "I have a big, old, lonely virtual world all to myself, Seto."  
  
"I don't have--"  
  
"Yes you do. And you can access the database easily. It'd be a bit costly, because, technically, you have to keep it on for at least twelve hours daily and keep extending the memory, but all of you and your friends have their personalities uploaded into a certain disk."  
  
"Don't you think it'd be a bit traumatic to wake up in a virtual world?!"  
  
"It's startling. But not traumatic. Since he's already been in there, he'll understand better."  
  
"And how is he suppose to know what's going on? How's it like to explain to your brother he's dead so I've turned him into a Role Playing Character so I wouldn't get bored?!"  
  
"You wouldn't have to. He knows."  
  
"What are you talking about?!" I screamed and I suddenly fell forwards. The chains had vanished, the picture was gone, and the wall was slowly rebuilding itself, though blank. "What's going on?"  
  
"You're knocking yourself out of your depression because I've offered hope. How long do you think I've been in here, Seto? Worming my way in? When your defenses are up, there's nothing I can do. When you're asleep, I have total control over this body. Everything's ready, I just need you to enter the damn access code and upload me and a few memories into the hard drive."  
  
"What the hell are you talking about?! You've been hacking into my mind?!"  
  
Noa giggled. "I suppose."  
  
"Why?"  
  
Noa shrugged. "You're my brother. As is Mokuba. I like Mokuba. He's nice."  
  
"And me?"  
  
"Potentially, you're nice, too."  
  
"This isn't a trick for my body?"  
  
"What would I do with your body? You're a freaking homo."  
  
I shook my head. "I'll do it."  
  
He snapped his fingers and I woke up.  
  
"Kaiba?" Jounochi whispered.  
  
"I...I have things to do..." I jumped up and started towards my main computer lab. 


	14. 14

Jounochi followed me at my heels. "Are you okay? You were crying and the next minute, you blacked out."  
  
"I'm fine. I just have things to do."  
  
I quickly had it scan my eyes as I hurried into the computer. "You stupid fucking prick," I muttered, booting up the computer.  
  
"Excuse me?"  
  
"You. You're a stupid fucking prick. Either you like me or you don't. Either you want to leave Otogi, or you don't. Make a decision and deal with the consequences."  
  
//That's not very nice, Seto.//  
  
~Shut up,~ I thought.  
  
Jou was quiet a few minutes, processing the information. "I like you. And I want to leave Otogi."  
  
"All right then, we can plan a confrontation later."  
  
"What are you doing?"  
  
"Working," I said, dismissing him as I typed in code after code of MS-Dos commands. "Crap," I whispered, getting into the original Kaiba Corp. mainframe. I had never been able to get into it. ~You have the password?~  
  
//...take a wild guess, genius.//  
  
I typed in Noa Kaiba. It worked.  
  
//Now download it.//  
  
I sat down, waiting as it loaded.  
  
"What's happening?"  
  
"I'm downloading the virtual world Noa was in."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"So I can upload Mokuba in it."  
  
"You realize how dangerous that is?"  
  
"Noa's different now," I whispered, rubbing the bridge of my nose. I looked up at him, tiredly. "You wanna do it now?"  
  
"It?" he asked, red-faced and bewildered.  
  
"Get your mind out of the gutter. Do you want to talk to Otogi?"  
  
"Will you be there with me?"  
  
"Of course," I said softly. I typed in a command, then got up. "Lets go."  
  
//It's very possible to balance family life and social life, Seto. I hope you see that now.//  
  
~~~  
  
Otogi opened the door, a very angered look on his face. "Yes?"  
  
"Jounochi wanted to talk to you. He brought me along as moral support."  
  
Otogi stood there for a minute, acting as if he wasn't registering any of it, scanning us with his piercing green eyes. "Alright," he finally said, holding the door open for us.  
  
We sat down on the couch, facing him in the chair. He folded his legs and arms, burning holes into Jounochi with his eyes.  
  
Jounochi, to his credit, stared him in the eyes and said evenly, "I'm breaking up with you."  
  
"Really?" Otogi asked, amused. "For how long this time?"  
  
"Forever. I'm done with this."  
  
"And when Kaiba no longer wants you? What then? Will you be crawling back to me?"  
  
I suppose I didn't know all about their relationship. But it was a personal thing, so I didn't even bother asking afterwards.  
  
"I WON'T be crawling back to you, because there's NOTHING to crawl back TO," he said in a really controlled voice, mind the few words he emphasized. "You have nothing to offer me that I want anymore."  
  
"So you don't want sex?"  
  
"Not with you. Not with someone who doesn't care about me and treats me like-- like-- like...the way you do." He shot a sidelong glance at me. "I'm done with it all," he whispered.  
  
"It won't ever be over, Jounochi. You crave sameness; that's what I gave you! You love repetition and predictability and that's why you stayed with the fucking drunk you call your father! You didn't need to 'shake things up.' Do you honestly think anyone will ever offer you that? I HAVE what you need. That's why you argue with Kaiba, smoke, never tried to let anyone get into your life you didn't know. Because you could count on it happening! You need things to stay the same and hell, I was willing to give you that! What do you want, Jounochi? You can't expect things to be just a certain way with other people. People are unpredictable. Look at Kaiba right here, for your damn proof. He can't even decide on a damn coat color!"  
  
"Shut the hell up."  
  
"Kaiba... Kaiba has..."  
  
"What, Jounochi, what does he have? A change of pace?"  
  
Jounochi dissolved into a crumbling, crying mess.  
  
"You don't have what he needs, Kaiba, I'm sorry," Otogi whispered. He really did seem sorry.  
  
"Stop making Jounochi miserable to be with you, Ryuuji," I warned. "Either you will have a real relationship with him, or I won't let this continue."  
  
"Do you really think you have a say in this? Jounochi's going to stay with me no matter what happens. He's never slept with anyone besides me. I was shocked when he actually asked you. Of course, it figures he didn't even go through with it."  
  
I stood up, trying to control myself. I wasn't going to strangle Otogi, and I wasn't going to yell at Jounochi. "I'll show myself out," I said evenly, turning from the "happy couple."  
  
I walked down the sidewalk, hugging myself tight from the cold in my body.  
  
//I'm sorry,// Noa whispered.  
  
"I know. Even Kaibas have to except defeat," I whispered. 


	15. 15

"What ya working on, Big Brother?"  
  
I smiled at the holographic raven-haired boy. "Just a few things for the office."  
  
He rested a ghost hand on my shoulder. I felt a slight tingle, but nothing else. It was just from the lights focusing on that point on my body. "Noa thinks you work too hard, and frankly, I agree."  
  
"You two have certainly formed a bond," I said, not looking up from the screen.  
  
"You promised me a girl friend, you know."  
  
"I know. I've been busy."  
  
"With Honda?" Mokuba asked in a sing-song voice.  
  
"It's just a few dates, Mokuba, I don't even know if he likes me as more than a passing...fancy."  
  
"Noa says the aging programs are a bit off, he looks like an old man."  
  
"I'll fix it," I muttered, clicking up a new window. I began rewriting the codes, fixing the math. "Remind him it's only a temp-program until I rework it and maybe he doesn't want to be plugged into it right now."  
  
"We're both tired of looking like ten-year-olds, Seto."  
  
"I said I'd get to it, didn't I? It's being tested on plants right now, so maybe he wouldn't want to age that fast."  
  
"Aren't you a little snippy?" another voice asked as another light turned on. Noa stared at me, smirking. He didn't quite look like an older version of himself, but as a green-haired, violet-eyed me. Kaiba-sama had done a great job at matching our looks by age, but the only option I had for artificial computer aging was to use me as a template. That's why Mokuba mostly looked the same, as I had not found a better alternative.  
  
"I'm tired of waiting, I've only been in here since...forever!"  
  
"Well, your father was terrible at abstract thought now, wasn't he?" The only file I had found on artificial aging was a practical clone of himself.  
  
I got up and pushed back my chair. "I'm taking a break, you can follow me, if you like."  
  
I had equipped my whole house with holographic lights that were plugged into the computer. The computer had a basic representation of the home, so they could "walk" with me. Of course, they sometimes ended up halfway in and out of a table, which was a little weird.  
  
It was a strange obsession I had created, right? Making my dead brothers as real as possible. But no one knew. I had managed to balance myself between them, Kaiba Corp., school, and, well, friends. Without feeling too tired and strained--most of the time.  
  
I rubbed my temples. "Noa, do I have any phone messages?"  
  
As Noa pulled up a graphic, Mokuba laughed. "Hoping HON-da called?"  
  
Sighing, I opened the refrigerator. "Maybe," I said elusively, but my faint blush gave me away.  
  
Noa nodded. "Yeah. He said he was coming over around eight, whether you wanted to go out or not."  
  
"Okay, well, I have a few more hours."  
  
"Seto," Mokuba said dryly. "It's 7:58."  
  
"Shit." I slammed the fridge closed.  
  
"Why won't you let him in?" Noa asked, peering up at me, putting on his little kid face.  
  
I sighed. "It's a little freaky."  
  
"So you'd rather be a hermit you talks to computer graphics of his dead brothers, one he never even knew in life?" Noa asked.  
  
"I don't know how you two are so...at ease about this."  
  
Mokuba shrugged. "I don't have to go to school."  
  
"I'm used to it, Seto," Noa explained. "I've had seven long years to get to it."  
  
"And it's not like I ever went outside much anyway."  
  
"But I can't give you a hug," I said softly.  
  
"You could if you ever stopped being a fucking pussy and went into the damn virtual world!" Noa burst out.  
  
"You watch your fucking mouth, brat. If I could even trust you to not lock me up once I'm there."  
  
Noa sniffed, indignant. "Why would I do that?"  
  
"To piss me off," I spat as I clicked off the holograms. They could easily turn it back on, but this time they didn't, giving me my space.  
  
Just then, the doorbell rang. I made my way to the end of the long hall and opened it. "Honda," I greeted him, nodding.  
  
He took me by the hand and pulled me into a kiss. He slipped his arms around my neck and pushed his tongue inside my mouth. I fell back against the wall as he began exploring my body, touching places he had long since memorized.  
  
I moaned, trying to get him to pull back. "Please, not he--"  
  
"Not a hotel, Seto." He trailed kisses over my neck and upper chest. "Please don't make me feel like a calling maid."  
  
"Then your house."  
  
He stopped kissing me and trailing his hands over my touch-starved skin. "What wrong with yours?"  
  
A light turned on and Mokuba stood there, watching.  
  
I looked Honda in the eyes and said, "I have a lot of explaining to do."  
  
"Then you better start."  
  
~~~  
  
Honda waved his hands around the room that held the computer. "All of this?"  
  
"All of it."  
  
Honda examined the room with his eyes from where he stood. He finally caught me gaze and shook his head. "Why are you so eccentric? God, I knew...KNEW getting involved with you was a stupid idea, but I wouldn't listen to myself. I wanted to believe that you were half way sane. So what do I get now? A necrophiliac boyfriend?!"  
  
I jumped to my feet. "You take that back! Take that fucking back RIGHT NOW! I love my brother very much, but not in the sick way you seem to think!" I grabbed him and was about to ring his pencil neck out when he pushed me back, then grabbed me back in a kiss.  
  
He leaned his forehead against my shoulder, as we were clutched onto each other desperately. "I can't handle this, Kaiba. It's just so hard...why can't you be normal?"  
  
"I've never BEEN normal, Honda." I pushed him back and took him by the shoulders. "If you can't handle the way I am, I ask you to leave. Because I'm not about the change for anyone."  
  
Honda heaved a large sigh and nodded. Off-handily, he commented, "Jounochi could handle you."  
  
"Jounochi strives for the strange. Otogi thinks Jounochi wants repetition. Jounochi wants someone who he can feed off of, not be dominated by."  
  
Honda crossed his arms, nodding. "Someone who compliments his personality."  
  
"Someone who will support him no matter what."  
  
"Then go get him, Kaiba. End all of this."  
  
"There is no end, Honda. It never ends. The story, life. There's no such thing as happily ever after. The poor girl who becomes a princess never finds her prince charming. And good, innocent people die. This isn't a fantasy, it's life."  
  
Honda threw his arm towards the computer. "This is fantasy. And you'd be happy enough to stay in it, right? You're right; good, innocent people die. And even you said that the poor boy becomes a prince." He backed me up against the wall, placing his hands on either side of me on the wall. "You are that prince. Spoiled, waiting for a prince charming you keep telling yourself doesn't exist. Who needs prince charming when there's the normal person who is made for you? And who cares if he isn't made for you? You're only sixteen. There are people who are forty and have never met their soul mate.  
  
"But you think that gives you the right to close off from the world. Jounochi cares about you and would hold you in his arms as you refused to let go of your fantasy. I can't do that for you. I live in the real world. Your mind has been a nice, strange vacation, but I'm ready to go home. TALK to Jounochi. You two live in these little worlds that..." He heaved a large sigh. "It doesn't matter what I say, does it? You're set upon doing things in this little routine and ritual you've set up. Well, good for you, but I'm excusing myself out now." He lifted himself up. "Bye, Kaiba. I'll see you around," he said, leaving me standing there.  
  
I sunk to a stooping position as I examined my life. As I fell to my knees, reality and reason slowly leaving me, I glanced around the room, begging things to go back to normal. I was having a mental break down because I couldn't handle it. So I screamed, letting all my frustrations out in my loud, shrill sob. And I begged nothingness to take me over. But I was left in reality, cold, vulnerable.  
  
"I've had enough!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" I screamed, banging my fists against the floor.  
  
A light came on, only it wasn't either of my brothers. I stared at the holographic blonde hair and brown eyes. "Don't do this to me, Noa," I whispered in a strangled voice.  
  
My eyes flashed, then I reached for the large keyboard, slamming my fist on it. "Stop it! Stop it!" I screamed repeatedly until I passed out in exhaustion.  
  
I woke up in the fantasy world. The minute my vision cleared, I ran to Mokuba, pulling him into a hug. I sobbed until there was nothing left in me... 


	16. 16

"Kaiba."  
  
I looked up from where I lay in my bed, seeing Yugi watching me from a seat. My vision cleared, allowing me to see that Jounochi was there, too, but wasn't looking at me.  
  
"Yes?" I asked softly, hiding my face in a pillow.  
  
Yugi continued, "Honda told me what happened."  
  
"I'm sorry I slept with him," I said, staring up at Jounochi with tearful eyes. "I just couldn't get over you."  
  
Jounochi finally met my eyes, looking at me with sympathy. "Don't let that bother you at all."  
  
"What is this about, then? You going to tell me I'm a sick fool? I already know that."  
  
"Kaiba-chan...this isn't about that. Specifically. We want you to get better, Kaiba-chan."  
  
"'Better?'" I repeated.  
  
"You've been under so much stress, Kaiba. You weren't the poster boy for mental health before and Mokuba passing on only made it worse."  
  
I stared up at them. "Are you trying to say I'm--"  
  
"No, Kaiba," Jounochi spoke up. He came over to the bed and climbed onto the bed next to me. He began stroking my hair. "We ARE saying you're mentally ill."  
  
I buried my face in his chest, crying softly. "I love you, Jou."  
  
He hugged me, pulling me close and petting me gently.  
  
"Every time I think I have life handled and I get over something, something else always triggers this...pain. I can't handle this anymore."  
  
Yugi took my hand and said, "We want you to get a counselor. Someone you will talk to and who can help you sort through your feelings."  
  
"Oh...okay..." I whispered. I pulled him onto the bed and the three of us laid there. I began to feel safer and more secure just laying there with them then I had ever had before.  
  
Some time later, when I was a bit afraid on whether they were asleep or not, I asked softly, "How is Otogi?"  
  
"Yugi," Jou whispered sleepily. "I'm bi."  
  
"I'm gay," he whispered.  
  
"Figures," he said softly. "I was still scared to tell you. I'm dating Otogi."  
  
Yugi nodded, sadly. "He's very lucky."  
  
I cut through the bullshit. "Yugi loves you, Jou. And I love Jou, Yugi. But Jou is with Otogi. And Otogi is one of the cruelest people I've ever met."  
  
"You're one to talk," Jou snapped at me. "I'm with him because he makes me- -"  
  
"Happy?"  
  
"Not exactly. Secure."  
  
I pulled him into a kiss. "Please love me," I begged.  
  
"Oh god..." Jounochi's voice wavered. "You can't give me..."  
  
"Repetition. I know I can't." I pulled him onto me, taking both hands in mine. "But I can promise you complete devotion and arms to hold you no matter what. Please," I begged. "Please. If not me, at least not Otogi. Please?"  
  
Jounochi began to breathe oddly, like he could barley breathe at all. I realized he was trying not to cry. He laid his head on my shoulder and I wrapped my arms around him. He whispered, "I can't do this right now."  
  
I cried for my losses, apologizing to Yugi. "I'm sorry, I never meant to compete with you again."  
  
Yugi laughed softly, taking my hand and giving it a squeeze. "Maybe it's fate."  
  
Fate.  
  
I had always hated that word. That concept. That my entire life was handed to me in a little package before I was even born. That some higher god controlled my life.  
  
Was it fate I became a Kaiba?  
  
Was it fate Yugi beat me?  
  
Was it fate Mokuba died?  
  
Was it fate that I lay there, with my former two annoyances?  
  
A smile on my face for the first time in a long time?  
  
I kissed the top of Jou's head, which made him nuzzle into my neck. "Not Otogi," he whispered, sounding asleep.  
  
We had a long way to go, didn't we?  
  
************************************************************************  
  
Strange ending, huh? Well, I've been writing this for awhile. My computer says since July 11th.  
  
Wow.  
  
Um, anyway... It's over. No more updates. If I the muse strikes, there might be a sequel, but don't count on it. Thanks for reading and I hoped you liked it. 


End file.
